Back in 2006, I visited Phnom Penh for the first time. I wrote a brief summary of the trip a long time later, available here. Having returned to Phnom Penh recently, I’ll try to cover a little more ground this time.
Phnom Penh
A Rainy Day
Myself and the indefatigable Terry were due to fly from Bangkok to Phnom Penh on Air Asia, on one of the rainiest days I have ever witnessed in Bangkok. We had arranged to meet at a BTS station, and get a taxi to the airport from there. I watched the rain from my apartment window, observing torrent after torrent hurtling to the ground like an endless cavalcade of aqueous Portuguese wingers, and I hoped that it would let up at least a little before it was time for our rendezvous.
Mercifully, it did so. In fact, it stopped entirely. I picked up an umbrella just in case, and sauntered out of Bad Boy Towers right on schedule.
The BTS station is a 40 baht cab ride from my apartment, or a 20 baht motorcycle taxi ride. I love the refreshing coolness of the Bangkok streets after a particularly heavy bout of rain, and so saw no need to seek out a taxi. I hopped onto a motorbike, breathing the by-now thoroughly washed Bangkok air, and we set off for the station.
And then I remembered just how localised the weather patterns can be here in South East Asia.
In England, if it’s raining in Stoke then it’s raining in Stoke. And it usually is. In Bangkok, it can be, and often is, raining on soi 4 but dry on soi 2. And so, mere seconds into my journey, I began to get wet.
I was carrying my bag on my right shoulder, and the umbrella in my left hand. As we trundled through the traffic, I wondered whether it would be acceptable to open my umbrella on the motorbike. Would I be obscuring the view of the driver? I would certainly look a complete idiot, hosting an umbrella atop a speeding motorcycle. What about aerodynamics? If the wind were to catch it just right, could we be toppled? Thoroughly preoccupied with this train of thought, I didn’t even think to stop the bike and grab a taxi. I am an idiot.
And this is why I eventually arrived at the BTS station utterly waterlogged, looking for all the world like I had been swimming in my clothes, holding a soaked bag in one hand and a still-tightly-rolled umbrella in the other.
Mercifully, the rest of our trip to the airport and indeed to Phnom Penh was far more straightforward and pleasantly dry.
Arrival
Unless you’ve arranged one in advance, you can buy a tourist (or business, if you want) visa upon landing in Phnom Penh, for $20 ($25 for business). I’d read online that two passport photos were required, but I was only asked for one.
Once you’ve acquired your visa and passed through immigration, you’ll be (predicably) set upon by taxi touts. Same same, but different, as they say. Two years ago I think I paid $7 or $8 for a taxi to the Riverside area. This time it was $9, so hardly breaks the bank. Tuk-tuks are also available, and presumably cheaper.
We headed for the Paragon hotel, overlooking the river, which had been recommended by a random guy I’d been chatting to in the Big Mango bar one night. Unfortunately, the room situation was pretty dire. They had one decent room with a window, but the only other available rooms were internal. For me, windows are a deal breaker. It’s supposed to be a hotel, not a prison.
We tried another hotel. And another. And another. And another. One only had twin rooms (two single beds). Another only had rooms with no windows again. Another only had vacancies on the 5th floor, and no elevator. And so on, and so on, and so on. Terry wanted to try a place which wasn’t called the Phnom Penh Neon Cupid Sexy Love Hotel, but might as well have been. The facade featured neon cherubs, and bored-looking girls in evening dresses waited to greet us. I vetoed it, much to Terry’s dismay.
Eventually, we enlisted the services of a helpful tuk-tuk driver. If you thought tuk-tuk rides in Bangkok were a little erratic, you haven’t lived. The experience of being slung around in this extremely rickety contraption, coupled with the incomparable aroma of Phnom Penh itself, made for an experience not entirely unlike being chauffered around the capital by the reanimated zombie corpse of Colin McRae.
Eventually, after a tour of what felt like every single hotel in Phnom Penh, we finally arrived at the slightly run-down but perfectly acceptable Riverside Hotel. $35 a night, including a buffet breakfast. Which was served from 7am until 10am. No danger of ever getting to taste that then. After quizzing the young concierge on the finer details (yes you can bring girls back without paying extra occupancy fees, yes they have safety deposit boxes, and yes I could smoke in my room as long as I didn’t tell anyone - oops), we checked in.
Out
Time for dinner, and a stroll down to the very pleasant Cafe Rendezvous. Their pizza is nothing short of awesome. Terry got a crash introduction to Cambodia as we were regularly hounded by beggars, hwakers, booksellers, tuk-tuk drivers and mosquitos. Having lined our stomachs with actual solid food, it was time for head out.
First up, the previously unexplored street 104, which I’d never even heard of two years ago. A strip of beer bars with attentive hostesses, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. The hollers and cat-calls from the girls outside the bars as we wandered down the street wasn’t quite in the league of Pattaya’s Soi Six, but our presence had certainly drawn their attention, and we eventually wandered into the Bunny Bar, whose hostesses were more than happy to see us.
Inside, a dimly-lit bar beckoned, as dimly-lit girls clamoured for our attentions. We ordered a couple of Angkor beers and kicked back on a battered but comfy sofa, as the ladies thronged about and around us. In what remains a strange country to me, and one in which I had zero competency in the language (I could speak four words of Khmer by the end of the trip, and have since forgotten one of them), I had no idea whether this was a sleazy full-service bar a la Soi Six, or simply a run-down beer bar.
Over the course of the evening, it emerged that it was closer to the latter. Some of the girls got up-close and personal, their hands frenentically groping and clawing at our Full English Lunchboxes, and I have a hazy memory of seeing a slightly tired-looking pair of boobs flashed at me, but the Star Of Light this was not.
None of the hostesses were Rainbow 1 material, but some were certainly Rainbow 4 remainder material. Or would be, if gogo bars weren’t illegal in Cambodia. Of course, prostitution is also illegal in Cambodia, but as in Thailand the authorities seem happy to turn a blind eye.
One girl in particular was very friendly indeed. Again, no stunner, but in posession of a pleasant spinner’s physique and bags of enthusiasm. Plain face, hot body, and exciteable - if a bit stupid. I shall call her Paris Hilton. But she would have to wait.
After ascertaining that the barfine was $5, that beers were $2 and lady-drinks $3, we paid the bill and slunk off into the night. It was time to hit Sharky’s.
Sharky’s is perhaps best described as being rather like the Sukhumvit soi 5 branch of Gullivers before it went down the toilet, only a little smaller, above ground level and without the revolving car.
In other words, cheap beer and decent Western grub are available, as are pool tables and freelancers. The crowd is still a Khmer/Vietnamese mix, but the Vietnamese girls seemed to be in rather less abundant numbers than my last visit. I’d call it a 70/30 mix in favour of the Khmer girls.
Terry and I ordered a pitcher of Anchor (not to be confused with Angkor) beer, and scoped the place out. There was a pretty hot bleached-blonde Khmer girl doing the rounds, but with an attitude we could smell from across the bar. The rest of the girls were of a standard that would do for a 2am last-chance shag, but we suspected we could do better. Draining the beers, we headed outside for a tuk-tuk to Martini’s.
I had intended to warn Terry about the alarmingly deformed greeter dude at Martini’s. I forgot. Terry’s face was a picture. The greeter dude is about the size and shape of a football. I’m not sure whether it was Thalidomide, Agent Orange, Beer Chang or all three, but he’s an unfortunate fellow. Most people hear his “Hello sir!” before they see him, although I’ve thankfully yet to see anyone actually trip over him.
Once inside Martini’s, there’s an enormous projection screen on one wall, hot dogs and pizzas cooking nicely along another, a lengthy bar with a couple of pool tables to the third and plenty of tables and chairs in the middle of the outdoor courtyard completed by the fourth side - the entrance to the indoor (and air-conditioned) disco.
My memory had gotten a little hazy in two years, and it wasn’t until we’d pulled up a couple of chairs, sat at one of the tables and ordered beers that I remembered how two years ago this had caused the oldest, ugliest girls in the joint to pester us. Just then, interrupting my train of thought, the oldest, ugliest girls in the joint began to pester us. We unfettered ourselves from their grasping clutches, and retreated to the bar.
There was definitely more talent here than in Sharky’s, but I’ve never enjoyed the disco in Martini’s. Too dark, even for a pickup joint, cramped and gloomy, and on this occasion containing elderly menfolk in vests. Cambodia definitely attracts some of the weirdest-looking Western men in South East Asia, to the point where it makes some Pattaya beer bars look positively refined.
The Pull
So out of the disco, and back to the bar. I almost immediately spotted a cute young Chinese-Khmer girl, and beckoned her over. She was 23, and she was very, very hot. Her English was fortunately rather more impressive than my Khmer, and we eased into a fun chat. She lived with her parents in the suburbs, and was trying to save enough money to pay for school fees. At least, that was her story - she could have been collecting for the Dick Cheney Appreciation and Kitten-Murdering Society for all I cared, I was going to shag her anyway.
Burbling away, I told her that I hadn’t been in Phnom Penh for a couple of years, and wasn’t sure of the going rate. I did this because I am an idiot. If you want to know the going rate for a shag, don’t ask a prostitute. I told her I’d paid $10-$15 for short-time a couple of years ago, and she reeled in (probably mock-) horror, telling me that she would most certainly not be shagging anyone for such a pitiful amount. $30 long and $20 short was the… er… the long and the short of it.
Meanwhile, Terry was amusing himself by conversing with what appeared to be an escaped mental patient. She was nice enough to look at, but the fact that she was not only singing the Crazy Frog song, but was also idly caressing, stroking and I think actually talking to what appeared to be a coconut, might have put less brave souls off the idea of… you know, going anywhere near her.
And so as I should have been whispering sweet nothings into the divine ear of my fille du nuit, I found myself gawping at this gibbering mentalist who was by now holding her coconut in one hand, and Terry in the other, trilling out the “ding ding ding”s like… well, like the Crazy Frog.
It was definitely a coconut. With the top cut off. And a straw sticking out of it. Oh no, he’s going to shag her.
I figured it must be topped up with vodka. Nobody strokes a coconut sober.
We supped up, and took our girls out into the street, waving a cheery good-night to Umbro-man, and found a kindly tuk-tuk driver who promised to take us wherever we liked for just $2.
“Two dollar!”, he smiled kindly as we arrived back at the hotel. “Each!”
Eight dollars and a scowl later, we headed back to our rooms. I had glorious sex with my Chinese-Khmer sweetheart, and Terry - well, I wouldn’t find out until the following morning at the earliest. And neither shall you, I’m afraid.
Never trust a girl stroking a coconut to be entirely in possession of her marbles, that’s all I’m saying. For now.
[Continued in Part Two]
Well who cares that there is a new leader of the free world? I want to hear the continuation of this tale.
I still wonder whether the risk outweighs the benefits of journeying to Phnom Penh. I think you answered the question and justified your cause BBB.
Very impressively written. I’ll just lite a campfire and stay up in anticipation of the next installment.
View all comments by Baseknock
BBB, next time I’m in town I’ll drag you out to Sihanoukville and you can work on that tan! Hey so what’s the world going to bitch about now, since we have by far the best dressed, coolest leader now! And everyone thought we are all a bunch of Bud drinkin, NASCAR watching, scratching our crouches with the barrel of our assault rifles, pack of fucking yahoos’! I hope we now do well by fellow planet mates!
View all comments by ron
well done, as usual. i’ve recently went to most of the places you’ve mentioned and your brilliant use of metaphor captures the essence of each. Umbro-man indeed!
View all comments by generous sponsor
Normally I would ignore a reference to something American’s don’t know about but given Obama’s victory I made an effort to be more internationally sensitive.
“Colin Steele McRae, MBE (5 August 1968 – 15 September 2007) was a Scottish rally driver born in Lanark.
The son of five-time British Rally Champion Jimmy McRae and brother of rally driver Alister McRae, Colin McRae was the 1991 and 1992 British Rally Champion and, in 1995, became the first Briton to win the World Rally Championship Drivers’ title.”
Well written piece btw. Pretty hot bleached-blonde Khmer girls? Next trip out of Thailand, I’m there.
View all comments by pmmp
Is PP still awash with barely legal or wholly illegal jailbait? Martini’s, Sharkey’s etc certainly were on my last visit, though admittedly this was 6 years ago.
View all comments by Combover
“Plain face, hot body, and exciteable - if a bit stupid. I shall call her Paris Hilton” love it. Sharky’s and Martini’s I know I’ve been there but the memory fades as one ages - lucky that!
Visited PP about 3 years ago with a group of approximatley 20 fellow idiots - went to play golf for the week-end! Had a great time especialy the races between bars on the back of 20 motocy’s, no lights more pot holes than road surface. The trip was considered a major success as no one was left behind in hosptial and zero STD’s reported. BTW I understood that Mr. Gerrard was voted leader of the free world about 9 hours ago?
View all comments by Riodon
That disco room at Martini’s is the pits, you can cut the smoke in the place with a knife. There are some real keepers in the other area though, with the usual dogs of course.
View all comments by The Man
Great read. Never been to PP but now want to go, today. Sounds a bit harsh on the Bunny girl calling her Paris - she cannot have been that stupid!
View all comments by Not in Paradise
BBB: This a post that should serve as a role-model for this site: A personal story with many funny details and still lots of information for those who have not (yet) shared your experiences. Great!
View all comments by Phoenix
Disagree with all of the above. So you went to Phnom Penh and shagged a bird. How interesting.
View all comments by john the baptist
A term that I really can’t get my head round in Thailand is ‘Pulling’. As much as like buying beer for BBB, I really have to attack his use of the word ‘Pull’.
- I mean, exactly how much ‘pulling’ is involved in offering a girl money to bump uglies?
View all comments by Daywalker
As usual, excellently crafted - hungrily awaiting part deux….
Now that the blowhards have been blown off (figuratively speaking) will you be grinding out that final cigarette butt? I need to know because, as circumstance would have it, I have, 10 minutes ago, smoked my last Thai fag (shan’t miss those pictures) and am considering offering moral support in a supportive - yet not at all gay - way
View all comments by doctorbond
Is it just me or does it seem that there are a good deal less
girls around, especially quality girls in the usually tourist places??
I heard that they are all in the Khmer discos, you know the ones where the music is deafening and all the wiseguys have a bottle of Johnny Walker scotch on the table. Follow the money as they say…
View all comments by Restless in Rawai
Thanks chaps, I think Part Two will answer a few of the comments. In the meantime, quickly and specifically:
@Combover: The underage girls were nowhere near as prevalent nor obvious as they were two years ago. I didn’t see a single working girl who looked any younger than some of the girls working in Nana or Cowboy. Which doesn’t mean that the Nana/Cowboy girls are all over 18 by any stretch of the imagination, but still… PP, on the surface at least, looked no worse than Bangkok to me.
@Riodon: Yes, that dive spoilt the impact of my Portuguese wingers jibe somewhat, didn’t it?
@jtb: That’s the abridged version, yes. What else would you do in Phnom Penh? Sorry you didn’t like it.
@Daywalker: You are absolutely right. Force of habit. I actually meant to change that heading. Forgot.
@doc: I don’t smoke
Cheers!
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
me neither - I can’t have touched a cigarette for at least 20 minutes and I haven’t looked back since - and you know what?…. I feel healthier…
View all comments by doctorbond
BBB: Very amusing read as always, but allow me to indulge in a bit of nitpicking.
It is Anchor beer, not Angchor, though you pronounce the ‘ch’ as in ‘chew’.
You also use an unforgiveable Americanism in saying ‘my memory had gotten a little hazy’. We Brits do not recognise ‘gotten’ as a word. Remember your heritage.
Was the deaf mute freelance still sitting at the bar in Sharky’s?
View all comments by On Nutter
@Restless: I didn’t notice all that much difference, but this was only my second time in Phnom Penh. I think there were fewer Vietnamese girls this time, and fewer obviously-underage girls, but the number seemed about the same to me.
@doc: The first three months are the worst.
@ON: How embarassing to mis-spell the name of a beer! I knew it was Anchor, no idea how that ‘g’ got in there… Fixed now, thanks.
On “gotten”, I thought I’d translate that line into American as a service to our transatlantic cousins, whose brains have been stretched thoroughly enough this week, what with them having to make the agonising decision of whether they’d like *another* 4 years of Republican rule! It’s a tricky decision! So I thought I’d save them from having to struggle with reading Real English as well. For that particular word. No?
The deaf mute freelancer was indeed in Sharky’s, and makes an apperance in Part Two. Please don’t tell me you’ve shagged her! Freelancer has an “r” on the end though!
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Thanks for the post but PP does not turn us on from your write up, but we wait for another report.
Have not finished exploring NEP/Cowboy and rest of BKK scene yet.
Been to Carnivale in Brazil two times with the very dark skinned girls (I guess you all knew that the song Brown Eyed Girl was changed from the original Brown Skinned Girl to make it more politically correct) and enjoyed it but Rio was really like going to Rainbow 4 with all the push push and shove that farangs get there! LOS is much much cha cha!
From this report we will stay in the vicinity of Mango/Soi 4, and got to take the Sukumvit Road up (and particuarly back) to Cowboy with occasional excursions to Spicey, and Boss and other Thai Bars.
BTW: to Jaiyenyen: Wan has returned to the Ring Bar, as T found out.
She is bliss! And we are taking no cuts for our blatant promotion of this place. For newbies … just go!
http://guide.tfs2m.com/thailand/bangkok/bars/beer_bars/sukhumvit/nana/the-ring/
View all comments by 3amigos
We voted for chickens here in California and the Chickens won!!! I wanted those dam chickens to stay cooped up but now they get to roam free and i will prob pay 2/3 more to eat those eggs!! DAM!
There were many parties here in the states as a the new president elect was announced, people running and drinking all over. Made it to two parties both had great music and free booze i am hurting today, but am happy to report that i can now use my US Passport without shame.
BBB - Come on man my popcorn will not last long continue with the dam trip report.. Great to know that PP is as dirty as it was a few years ago. So what was the view from the window like in your hotel… i didnt think there was much to see out of them.
View all comments by GoodLife
Indefatigable - Thanks….. although I’m in detox now.
Your memory is alarmingly good considering the amount of beer consumed!
As always expertly penned. I’m somewhat nervous with respect to part 2 though.
On Nutter: I heard you got a shag in Pattaya? I don’t recall you mentioning it…
View all comments by Terry
I noticed that posts with part 1 and part 2 (or more) are like 3 hour movies at the cinema. Most of the time you could cut a part of it and that wouldn’t change neither the meaning nor the interest.
In this case it would be the lonely-planet visa-part of it. At least.
View all comments by SukPsycho
I used to be really into pinball back in the States. Ended up spending a bit of time on the pinball blogs. It never failed that there were one or two idjits who posted solely to provoke a reaction from the crowd.
Sometimes people just like to kick up a bit of flak.
Well written piece BBB. Entertaining all the way.
I don’t remember the disfigured doorman though.
View all comments by The Heckler
In the Hollywood film version of BBB’s trip to PP, the main protagonist would get into all sorts of incidents and scrapes. There would be the amazing cafe in which he was served the best full English breakfast ever while a stunner grappled with his meat and two veg; there would be the PP gangsters put out by his English piss-taking, necessitating a quick escape on a motorbike taxi with the gangster’s girlfriend, bullets flying everywhere; there would be the incident where BBB heroically saves a boat full of women and children crossing a flooded river, is invited back to the village and offered all the young virgins to deflower; he would be detained there for a year as a ‘velly hansum’ fertility god but eventually escape by dressing as an Asian version of Widow Twanky; on the long bus back to BKK he would be taken for some sort of weird farang katoey and buggered relentlessly; and in the final scene he would be back in Bangkok, relating the story to all while eating a cheese sandwich and drinking a bottle of Anchor beer (and sitting on a padded cushion).
Apart from missing these details, thoroughly good piece - I am very much looking forward to the forthcoming installments.
View all comments by john the baptist
Have u checked out the Manhattan club? The Vietnamese hang out in force there. In fact I don’t think there Cambodians at all there. Clientele mostly Asian businessmen in Phnom Phen (not too many Khmers, if at all). Warning, though - as with all the Asian clientele oriented places some of the girls have certain “preferences”…
View all comments by Pierre
And people who know me well say I have no morals.
Amusing as always & can now confidently proclaim myself an authority on Bangkok weather patterns. Is there a toilet review in part 2? PP may well be worth a visit next year.
Oh, was there an election somewhere?
View all comments by Wombat
gl - that chicken thing is so wacked
what about the same sex marriage thing?
I love it. the economy is shit. california is loaded with debt and they are more worried about chickens than humans.
nuts…
View all comments by sideshowBOB
Terry: I did indeed “get a shag” in Pattaya but I am not one to brag on a public forum.
View all comments by On Nutter
on - makes sense. no real reason to brag unless she is a supermodel and paid u right?
View all comments by sideshowBOB
I visted Cambodia 3 months ago, and agree with BBB’s observations that the khmer girls are much more prevalent in Sharkys and other bars than the Vietnamese, who were much more fun 5 years ago. Khmer ladies seem much more business-like, and often provide few laughs.
The illegal part of Phnom Penh sanuk was not evident at all this time, contrary to the reputation much of the media and NGOs assigns to Cambodia.
Re: deaf mute Vietnamese lady has been at Sharkeys since my 1st visit more than 5 years ago. One of my friends took her on his 1st day visiting Cambodia a couple of years ago, and he told me she was the most energeticc lady he had every been with, but also very sweet. She currently has a regular boyfriend who visits every few months, but her friends and life is still at Sharkeys.
View all comments by DJ
Always a treat to read one of your expertly crafted reports. Having haunted all of the places you visited myself, reading this is like a trip down memory lane.
Waiting for part deux (and trois) if there is one.
View all comments by Professor
Thanks again for the comments folks.
The next installment is coming - I write this comment from a massage shop in Pattaya, where I have found myself somewhat distracted from the business of writing
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
I bet that blonde khmer girl from sharky’s is Vee. She’s been around a while and is the queen bee of that place. Very skinny, nice tits, long blonde hair, tatoo on her leg and a bag load of attitude.
She took me home to her place one night, drove me in her newish Toyota Camary to a quite nice new shop house where she lived with her family. Everything had been bought for her by some English idiot. After I fucked her brains out, on the bed he bought, she showed the photo album of their wedding. He looked like an english idiot. He sends good money every month but she’s still out selling her ass every night.
View all comments by Tiny Mouse
I was too scared to go into the Heart of Darkness. Anybody?
View all comments by Pants Elk
Thanks for the great post, BBB! Is part 2 ready soon? Im keen to know how Terry did the coconut girl! As im going to the Penh soon, i hope to meet this coconut, hehe. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, BBB!
View all comments by John Dude
PE: The Heart of Darkness is an interesting, but adventurous scene. Not your Nana Disco, or Spice Club.
The well-armed Khmer security guards at the door give all customers (males females locals foreigners) a VERY thorough hand search as you enter (no cover charge or mandatory drink purchase). There have been some violent incidents in years past.
The dark and smoky interior is inhabited by foreign men (and some ladies), local men and ladies, and recently a decent number of West Africans, who seen to be expanding from Sukhumvit Soi 3.
Very little happening here prior to midnite, and pretty active until 4 or 5 in the morning. Best to let ladies approach you so you don’t inadvertently hit on a local guy’s date.
I’ve had some good pulls here, though it’s usually after not finding anything interesting in the other bar areas.
View all comments by dj