Can someone please work out a way to save the nid nawy, ting tong, farang from greedy, avaricious, scheming issan mothers. The situation is that my lovely ‘Lek’ and I hope that one day we will be married and hopefully this will be very soon after she finishes her university studies. We have talked about eventually retiring to her village where we will build a house and live the simple life growing rice and fish and fruit and vegetables. Sounds ideal doesn’t it. Well, that was until ‘mother’ found out and assumed that I would be building a house well before any marriage or thought of retiring there.
Seems she has been boasting that little ‘Lek’s’ farang BF is rich and will provide everything this month and that then she will have a new house to live in. Just because I paid for the labour to harvest the rice this year does not mean I have unlimited resources. Not likely. I do not see the need to have a house 500 km from here when I will maybe only use it for 2 or 3 weeks of the year. Neither do I see the need for a car at this time. Dad, by the way has moved almost permanently to the farm where he seems happy enough to stay in a small open sided hut and look after himself. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from that.
Now, mum seems to be losing face with the community there because of all this and I am to blame and also little ‘Lek’ is to blame for sticking up for me. (this seems unusual for an issan girl to stick up for her farang BF). Maybe it is love after all.
Forget the fact that this farang has money which is tied up in long term investments in his own country and which he does not really want to bring here with the exchange rates as they are now and also that these investments are not known to little ‘Lek’. None of them know how much I have, just what I tell them I have available which is not much now.
What happens if I do agree to build there now? What will the next demand be? A new vehicle for the farm, a tractor, a new house on the farm as well? A place for the relatives to live in while they visit? (Visit I assume means stay forever). How much can she squeeze from me for her and the rest of the family.
I am very inclined to ignore all this pressure and not make any more payments at all to the family and see what happens. Little ‘Lek” is already having problems with her mother because she can’t persuade the farang BF to buy the house and car now. Where will it end?
Yes, I know that there will be comments about Issan girls and bar girls, let me just say that ‘Lek’ is a very intelligent woman who has managed to gain entrance to uni many years after leaving school where she worked in a factory and is now studying for an Engineering degree. And, yes, I am now paying for her living and uni expenses.
You’re starting down a slippery slope. My only advice would be to live as far away from the in-laws as you possibly can.
For stories that start out bad… you have to keep them from ending WORSE. Just MHO.
View all comments by John Brown
Give Lek a small allowance every month and she can handle the family demands with that.
Appears the mom was premature in announcing to the village she won the farang lottery.
Not your problem.
View all comments by ATM
Seems to me you have good instincts of your own. Two things you said where that you are worried about the slippery slope of giving, give them something and they will want more. They will probably want more, yes.
Also, you mentioned cutting them off and seeing what happens. This could have some negative consequences but is a standard technique in business here in Thailand and I’m sure in many countries. For example, landlord not doing something for you, don’t pay the rent. All of a sudden they are listening to you. Could work in your case but be prepared for some hardship for your gal from the family.
Best of luck. You are the money man. Do it your way since you’re the one footing the bill but also be prepared to cut your gal loose if you have to.
View all comments by pmmp
This week at a Thai forum, a poster mentioned the growing problems she’s having with her husbands Thai family. They wanted her to have children. She and her husband don’t want any.
One person came up with what I believe is excellent advice. That whenever the question is broached, refer that person to her Thai husband to handle.
It makes sense really. A Thai will know how to deal with Thais, so let them sort it out.
(well, after you’ve explained to your girlfriend/spouse what you will and will not do/pay for/whatever).
Problem solved, for you anyway. And since it’s her mother, her problem, right?
As for paying, I’d also be inclined to veto requests to build a house until your marriage has gone through and out the other side of the honeymoon transition.
Thailand is Thailand. But besides that, relationships between two people in the same culture are tough enough, and working on a relationship with someone of a different nationality is fraught with pitfalls over the norm (I know, I’m in one… successfully).
And really, what’s the rush? You have plenty of time to build… plenty of time for the exchange rate to improve… plenty of time to decide whether you want to build near ‘mamma’ eventually, or not.
View all comments by Catherine
Salty,
I’m guessing your post may have been inspired by my recent story. While I’m no expert, let me offer my thoughts on Lek and Mama.
For starters, I agree with Catherine that it’s too early to make any hard decisions now. Worry first about the wedding and settlign in togher and then move from there.
However, No. 2, my strongest feeling is that if you marry a Thai, particuarly Isaan, woman, you will never be rid of the family. No matter how much she professes to be annoyed, expasperated or angered by her mother, Lek will always put her before you. It’s not personal, it’s simply the culture.
If you try to put yourself between her and her parents, you’ll lose. It may work for a while, but eventually the stress and drama will build and your relationship with her will suffer.
Now I’m not saying you should give in to all the demands. The earlier adivse that — right now — you need to set limits is imperative. Tell Lek — and be sure she tells the parents — what you will and won’t pay for and that any investments such as houses and cars will be done on your schedule, not theirs.
This likely will come off as condescending, but I beleive you have to treat uneducated Isaan types are children. Set rules and limits and stick to them and you stand your best chance of successful relations with them.
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
The fact that your girl has stood by you so far is fantastic. Rare indeed.
I would really love to hear some workable advice from someone. Perhaps you can discuss with some Thai friends who have more insight into how to handle such things.
Otherwise, what I would be prone to do is to sit down with mama and Lek and lay out a financial plan and some time lines on when money will be released. If she’s not happy with that then use other family members to put pressure on her by intimating how greedy the mother is being.
View all comments by Billy Bangkok
I knew that I could count on some sage advice from the readers here. Thanks all for the support and advice of which some I will implement as soon as ‘Lek’ returns from the latest battle with mother.
View all comments by salty
Sounds like Lek has defended you from the avaricious inlaws alright so far. I’ve always said, if a girl works hard to save your money, she’s thinking long-term. If she spends it, you’re just a short-term sugar daddy.
So, it seems now you’ve reached a crisis point. It sounds like you’re not ready to buy mom a house, so treat it as a test: if Lek can successfully fend off her Mom without involving you, then you may have a future. If you become uncomfortably embroiled in these family politics, think very hard about whether to go forward with this relationship.
View all comments by MrLucky
I feel a few of the comments above are overly optimistic. Based on personal experience I reckon there is no win win solution for you in your relationship with Thai in-laws. All their financial problems will be your problems. Also, the closer you live to them the greater and more frequent these problems will be.
PG is bang on when he says your girlfriends mother comes ahead of you in the queue. After all she is the ‘life giver’ and must be revered above all others. Isaan mothers could teach Al Queda a thing or two about brain washing.
I married a great Thai lady and for the first few years of our marriage we lived outside Thailand. Blissarooney. We moved back to Thailand in 2002 and since then my wife has become an alcoholic. Not because of my misdemeanours but because of the pressure put on her by her family to get money out of me. I have come to the conclusion that my stonewalling their requests will end our marriage. Give a little you say. Well I did initially and that just started a feeding frenzy.
My mother-in-law’s aware that divorce is a probability but doesn’t give a f@%k. She’s probably thinking she can marry her daughter off to somebody with a bigger bank balance next time.
Bottom line is I can’t see an upside to having Thai in-laws. My advice to you is marry an orphan.
View all comments by Ed
Do not, under any circumstance move rent or build any place in this country while the mother is alive. Run, do not walk to the farthest place on earth, but stay away from mother and other relatives on her side of the family. Having been married to a registered nurse here and now divorced I have been so happy not to have to hear that they, the mother, was starving and all of the relatives didn’t have money to send their kids to school or clothes and books to buy for them. From what I can gather they all are now doing the same as they were before I married, which getting along just fine. Tell mom to shut the fuck up and that you are a man and will do what you want to do, and her input is not now or ever going to be required. You have to make her understand that she has nothing to say about any thing and stop giving them anything, make them pay!
View all comments by The Man
Like piranhas on a fleshy wound I figured this would attract some comments. I think you are getting quite a range of comments representing some real experiences.
I think some of the best advice is find a girl without a family - but that is not always possible.
The asian family values are so strong yet really messed up given that most mothers would think it is okay for a girl to sell her bod to help mom out. THat should tell u something right there.
I DO NOT believe you need to do anything for the mother. Nothing. Nada. BUt I am a hard ass.
Is there a middle ground? possibly but I think the money has to come from your girl. NOt you. Meaning if she wants to work and give the money she makes to her mom. Fine. Up to her but she should think carefully about the precedence she is setting.
If her mom was on her death bed, starving or homeless I would say help out in some minimal way but neither of these seem to be the case. She is just milking the system and your GF needs to sort out how she wants to deal with it long term.
Dont build a house. dont move up there and let your GF sort out how best to deal with this over time.
It wont be easy.
This is why the bargirl trading cards would be useful. They would have to show the family status.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
Just never meet the family. Many middle-class TGs are actually shy to introduce a farang to the family.
View all comments by Incognito
ssB: “The asian family values are so strong yet really messed up given that most mothers would think it is okay for a girl to sell her bod to help mom out. THat should tell u something right there.”
Yes it does, that the mothers did or would have done the same for their mothers?! And, the cycle continues….
View all comments by John Brown
Ran this by my wife, who says your mother-in-law’s behaviour is not at all in line with Isaan tradition, and that if her neighbours are laughing at her, then she should learn to keep her mouth shut. Bottom line, it’s not your concern, and this is the perfect time to draw the line.
View all comments by MrLucky
change all your sim cards. pay a cop to tell the mother that both of you were lost at sea and that no remains were found as you were probably consumed by sharks. move to another apartment and dye your gf’s hair and get minor re constructive surgery. start speaking with a french accent and drinking boxed wine. that should throw the old lady off your trail and give you and your little princess enough space to be happy
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
What would a Thai guy say to grabby relatives?
Tell them you are the man and the man makes the decisions. No discussion.
It’s nice to help a family but only on the mans terms. No pressure or it’s by by.
View all comments by ATM
@UCW “start speaking with a french accent”
- You’d have thought that’d be enough to put anyone off?
View all comments by Daywalker
howdoulikemybackdroletsnow - pretty harsh dude
atm - I think a thai guy might but in a different way. I have seen the thai guys drop some serious cash at the g clubs. way more than the farangs. so they do it- just not as directly
View all comments by sideshowBOB
Agreed SB.
A Thai guy will blow a months pay on whores and booze and hit up the mother in law for some cash
View all comments by ATM
respect
View all comments by sideshowBOB
I would say that the best thing to do is pack the item back up in the same exact box that it came in. Hire a tuk-tuk. Then take the unit back to the place where you purchased it. Place it securely inside and run out the door as fast as you can (hopefully the tuk-tuk will wait for you). If you hear anyone shouting after you from returning the problem item, don’t turn back. Just keep running and never give any of it a second thought.
View all comments by HHH
Strange that no one questions the girl’s motive and put all the blame on the girl’s mother. As long as there is a money relationship between a guy and a girl, it sucks. Period.
In Thailand also, students are working to pay their studies and rent. Just like in the West. Why couldn’t she?
View all comments by SukPsycho
Dare I ask…. what is the age gap between the two of you?
View all comments by Daywalker
Ok. Let me explain from someone who has been living here for more than 20 years, and seen many a farang do the right, and also the wrong thing.
Number 1 :
The problem of Isaan is two fold. Thai girls bullshit, and some farang men bullshit.
Some farang men bullshit about how rich they are. All Thai girls hullshit about how rich their boyfriend is. This ongoing (for a decade) problem has led to an expectation in Isaan that every farang is rich, and therefore all “mama’s” expect their daughter to marry a rich farang.
Don’t blame the “mama” she has face to keep in the village, and if the daughters husband/boyfriend does not do anything, then she will be ridiculed by all the other villagers. She obviously cannot accept this, and she will push daughter for the 2 things she needs to stop the laughter at her……thats a house and a car.
Understand, that for her, the moment the village gets to know daughter has a farang boyfriend, the whole village expects a house and car………and until they come, they will mock her and talk behind her back about how her daughter managed to find the only “poor” farang in Thailand.
Lesson to avoid number 1 : THE GIRL MUST NEVER TELL HER FANILY SHE HAS A FARANG BOYFRIEND, FARANG MUST NEVER TRAVEL TO FAMILY HOME - UNTIL ITS DECIDED YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY.
Number 2 :
You are already into the problem area. Mama has to tell everyone about new house and car, if she does not she gets really ridiculed, if she does then she buys time saying “its going to happen soon”.
You have at this stage to intervene, and save face all around. If you are serious about this girl I would suggest you buy a 5 baht gold chain for Mama…….you visit Mama with Lek and give her the 5 baht gold chain. Tell Mama that you and Lek have decided to save money and buy a house in farang land first……and so owing to this nothing is going to be built in Thailand or done in Thailand until this is done first.
Mama can go and show her friends the gold and tell them daughter is buying a billion baht house in farang land and so is not going to built house in Thailand for 10 more years. Shuts her friends up and allows you time to decide if this girl is for you. It will also get Mama off of the girls back.
You have to understand the problem Mama gets when the village knows about the “farang”, the problem the girl gets when the village are giving Mama a hard time and so she gives the girl a hard time.
Then knowing this, you have to manage it, first off by avoiding it in the first place by telling the girl not to tell family, but if you cannot then you have to save Mama’s face, cause she will get it in the neck, and a nice fat Gold chain will do.
Once you have done this……….tell Lek you are not going back to see family again until much later, much much later…..as it will avoid more questions. Mama and Lek can simply say you are busy in farang land working, or with the new house, or whatever……..
Thailand is all about managing “face” and understand the local view, managing it.
View all comments by E2007
Oh, just don’t fall in love with any Thai girl. Just keep it light, bright and breezy, be a fun guy, always live in rented and if they become too demanding give them nothing, become completely disinterested and wait for them to leave. Trouble is they may not leave because a disinterested you might still be the best deal they can get. Lot of farang ( stupid word ) guys forget this. Not much for you is still a very good deal for one of these girls. Have more self esteem, guys !!!
View all comments by ketkonen
How things change suddenly. Now mama will settle for repairs and alterations to the existing home. Only wants about 650,000 baht for this. Ha ha. I do agree that there are some urgent repairs that need to be done there and the start is a new toilet and some repairs to the kitchen area. Maybe I can agree to some of this BUT I am not going to spring for the rest. I think the 5 baht gold will not work in this case.
Mama and daughter are not speaking now.
The idea of disappearing back to the home country has merit but there is the matter of finishing the degree first which is very important for the future. And in any case the amount of money left over after divorce will not buy much there even now after the sub prime has driven house prices down. Jobs are hard to find there as well so I will just stick it out here for the present. The idea of telling mama that I am building a billion baht house in farang land has merit though. Thanks for that one.
View all comments by salty
I think if you tell them you are building a billion baht home in outer space it only confirms your are rich and their will still be endless requests for some smaller sums of money here and there for various emergencies and tragedies that arise. I think probably you have now learned alot from the comments above and would be better off to rebait the hook and start again on with your new and improved game face. I say that because I believe your existing situation has already gone way too deep down the rabbit hole and it will be hard to retrace your path again and reconnect with the light of day.
View all comments by PissNMoan
Salty,
You need to read “The Dummies Guide to Giving Thai Girls Money, Part 1.”
The terms Hometown Hero, BBD (bigger better deal), and Performance Package all apply.
BigBabyKenny
View all comments by BigBabyKenny
My wife was not a 19-year-old virgin, so I made it clear that there would be no dowry. After we married, 700,000 baht built them the biggest house in the village, for which they show me embarrassing amounts of gratitude every time we visit. Seriously, I’m treated like freakin’ royalty when we go up there.
My wife sends them 10-15,000 baht every other month from her own salary, which feeds everyone and keeps little Sis in school. 6 years on, everybody’s happy.
Of course village rumors swirled until we built the house, but after that, the gossippers were eating crow, and stumbling over themselves to do favors for our family. That was really the most gratifying thing, to see my wife’s family go from poorest in the village to celebrity status. They are dear people who deserved a break, and I had the spare cash to do it.
View all comments by MrLucky
isn’t there some rule about getting between a thai (issan) girl and her mother ?
View all comments by jack dawson
A lot of these comments are spot on. Here’s my 2 cents:
Take your ego and through it out the window. You are flat broke, pennyless, and a complete loser. Your girl feeds you, supports you and takes care of you! If you want to have any success with your “Lek” you must get her entire family to believe this. Now, if and when you want to give anything to the family, give it to Lek and have here give it to the family and the most important thing to remember is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER allow anyone in the family to know it came from you. It does not matter what your girlfriend tells them, or what she had to do to get the money (family won’t give a rats ass) but it did not come from you no matter what. Emergencies like death in the family, death of a cow, sick family, accidents, etc. etc. etc, will come if not already. This is to be expected and it is not a matter of “if” but “when” Be prepared for these emergencies. If you give something to the family even as small as 100 baht you are screwed. Come up with a story that states your investments went sour and you lost everything. Your girl may get some heat in the beginning for staying with such a loser, but this is far greater option than any other.
As far as the house is concerned forget it. Even if you could part with the money, and even if you have enough to where you could afford to lose it, it is not worth your life, or your health (don’t laugh). Rent a beautiful house anywhere in the country you want. Hell, rent 2 or 3, and you can be perfectly happy.
Remember, you are a poor broke bastard. Get them to believe this and you will be a happy and rich camper for a long time.
View all comments by I Phukit
BBK- i’m sure slacks made of high quality fabric apply to this situation as well.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
As much as we like to beat up on ‘western women’ around here, not all of them are hairy fat cows and I’ve never had anyone’s mother pressure their girl into hitting me up for money. I like Thailand plenty, but them’s the truth. Just sayin.
View all comments by tosh
ring fence, ring fence ,then ring fence some more .
or you are heading for a purchase of a dozen head of cattle
View all comments by bob
I think you should sit down with Lek (sounds like quite a woman) and mom and lay out the money situation honestly but with room for denial…sort of like the average congressman.
Do not give the idea that there is a timetable involved for availability of funds. If you do that, then you can be sure that date will be marked on a calender somewhere with a big red “X” and when that day comes, you will have to answer in a very hostile environment.
If they, and they being who they always are, try and pin you to specifics, just shrug your shoulders and say “Who can predict the financial markets these days?”
Good luck!!
View all comments by The Asian Badger
another suggestion. you can pacify the mother by showing her your massive bank account. just convert two US dollars to 50 billion Zimbabwe dollars. put the money in a suitcase and show to the mother. tell her they are Euros, i doubt she’ll be able to tell the difference unless there’s a girl in the village acting in german poop movies.
hand her the suitcase and let her be on her way. make sure the suitcase has locks and that you forget to give her the key. by the time she is at home and able to open the case you can your girl will be long gone. you would have gotten rid of the mother and it would have cost you all of 2 bucks.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
It would be totally impossible for Lek to disown her family, of course, as it is part of Thai culture for children to look after their parents when they get old. However, the responsibility should not weigh on you. Sure, you can intervene to help if there is really an emergency situation. If you can explain to Lek that you can help her family when a situation requires it, I am sure Lek can make her mother see the bigger picture. Besides, after Lek finishes her degree and gets a job, her family will greatly benefit from this generous investment of yours. Wish you the very best from this relationship.
View all comments by Oneditorial
if you have balls, then use them
say no and nothing more.. tell Lek this is the way it is ..
her mother’s problems are not yours .. perhaps they are Lek’s as she has to deal with mom, but this is no different than many countries where the son in law has to put up with shit from his wife who is having problems with her mother..
View all comments by oaktoad
The girl has not even finished uni and you are already talking to her about retirement? How old are you?
Forget the village and get a life.
View all comments by MSB
I think you already screwed up when you paid for the rice harvest. Big white man goes in and does shit like that whats the family to expect? For decades I’m sure the family was doing it without your help, so why’d you have to get involved? The slippery slope.
View all comments by Neword
Just a piece of advice. When you get married GET A PRENUP! More for the in-laws than the wife. When you buy a home, car, etc. DO NOT PUT THEM IN YOUR WIFE’S NAME! You can control property through companies and other legal instruments. I’ve seen and heard too many horror stories where guys have put a home in her name and all the family comes to live there and eventually forces hubby out when his cash flow starts to trickle. All of this can be avoided by properly planning tings out in advance.
View all comments by The Soi Lawyer
Well, you could pay all that’s being asked but that ain’t gonna happen is it? So, unless young Lec can be content denying most of what momma asks for and/or you can be content denying what Lec asks for on their behalf along with the inevitable associated sturm und drang, you are screwed. Completely. She won’t be content with the first and you won’t with the second so …. cut and run - without delay. The only other alternative is to take 70 x 2mg Clonapin every day for the term of what will be a sad (but thankfully non-conscious) life.
View all comments by fanta
Salty,
Here is a relevant section of The Dummies Guide to Giving Thai Girls Money, Part 1.
It applies here.
“The internet provides an overly negative view because only the guys who got burned are the ones who post.
Most of these posters are Hometown Heroes. These are farangs who back in The World have had little experience, little exposure, and have never been the target of really good looking, sexy knowledgeable women who know how to use and wield their Girl Power.
In The World, they just weren’t worth the time and effort and never received much attention from these women and when they get to Thailand and unknowingly moved up on the local desirability index they find themselves overmatched, overwhelmed, and in over their heads.
When Hometown Heroes get to Thailand one of two thing commonly happen. Either they are successfully targeted and bilked by professional scam artists or they get involved with Thai girls fully aware of and skillful in wielding their substantial Girl Power, negotiate poorly, and end up getting out bargained, pussy whipped, and financially cornered. Either way they end up bitter or with egg on their face after being cheated out of their money or getting into a relationship under unfavorable terms and with little recourse, turn to the internet looking for sympathy or validation—and frequently find it from other Hometown Heroes doing the same.”
It sounds like you are 90% of the way to becoming a Hometown Hero.
BigBabyKenny
View all comments by BigBabyKenny
One of the many things I love about BBK is how he only ever comments on other people’s submissions when it’s to promote his own.
I also love how most of the words on the page he recommends are comments explaining why he’s wrong.
Nice trousers though. Quality fabrics.
View all comments by BBK Lover
Oaktoad is right on the money. Moms problems are hers, not yours, screw her! Whatever “YOU” decided to to, you will have to live with that decision. The only thing I stress is that you do not move to Lek’s village, if you do you’re toast! They will nickle dime you forever.
View all comments by The Man
What a storm I seem to have created here. Some very kind advice from some with positive solutions and some from readers who seem to have had or heard of bad experiences with the Thai GF.
Age, Well lets say I am old enough to know better and still young enough to thoroughly enjoy it. As for retirement, well that is a long way off still and it is just the long term plan.
Will I or won’t I? Undecided at this point of time but if the family situation does not start to improve then it will be a No No.
Thank you all for the input here and I will continue to read any further advice.
View all comments by salty
Keep on giving Lek an allowance to pay for her tuition, etc until she completes her degree. When she graduates with an engineering degree she should get a job - most engineering companies pay new graduates 25,000 to 40,000 baht per month.
Don’t pay her family anything and certainly don’t build a house because - unless you set up a company - it will be in her and her family’s name. When her family and/or Lek get tired of you, you will lose everything.
If it really is love then she will stay with you regardless. By the way, Lek is an interesting name for a girl at University studying for an engineering degree. I work with 500 Thai engineers, many are graduates from Chula, Thammasat, Kasetsart, Mahidol, etc. Not one of them has the nickname “Lek.”
View all comments by Mark Lamerton
Regarding “… there’s a girl in the village acting in german poop movies …”, that’s just gross! … any pointers?
View all comments by poopmoviebuff
‘bargirl trading cards’..
now that’s an thought that needs expanding on.
as for salty’s problem:
take it from someone who’s been there and back
run away as fast as you can
View all comments by bobonzo
Your money, your rules. Give up any control at your peril. Sending any money into Isaan is not much different from throwing it into the nearest klong. I definitely agree with the poster above who suggested that you *rent*, not buy(!), and keep the majority of your savings safely out of the Kingdom. Act poor and life will be good.
dboy
View all comments by Dboy
Salty,
Whatever anyone posts here it’s your decision, your future and only you truly know your situation and feelings, your behaviour as well as your actions will determine the outcomes. However, at risk of further stirring the pot or adding to your confusion here are my thoughts, for what they’re worth;
It’s not the end of the world to provide support to your GF or her family (could mean the same thing anyway), but it is a slippery slope to be forever digging into your pockets to help out with any/every ad-hoc request. IMO it’s about setting expectation from the outset, ie now. Tell Lek and therefore her mother what you are and (more importantly) are not prepared to do. Set an allowance (for both of them) and stick to it rigidly. If it causes problems so be it. Although it might be hard to swallow, it’s better to find out now!
I would join the chorus advising against buying/building the house. You can do all that stuff in the future (a long way in the future) and surely you would not do it up country? Buy and build where you want to be, and the behaviour of your potential in-laws in the interim should influence that decision.
There can be no hard and fast rules each situation is different and personal. Just try to have patience, understand Lek (and her mother) and behave “fairly” whilst being true to yourself and the limitations (or not as the case may be) of your personal circumstances. Set the ground rules ensure everyone understands them from the outset and then stick to them.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
View all comments by Spyker
Regarding “… there’s a girl in the village acting in german poop movies …”, that’s just gross! … any pointers?
——-
I dont think the german “poop movie” market is larger than in any other country (not sure about Japan).
And consistently being called a “Kraut”: There are enough poopers in Germany, so no need to import more.
But the Zimbabwe dollar idea is funny. I will contact a bank for some fantastillions of this cash to enlarge my paper wealth since Weimar-collection.
View all comments by Ze ugly German
Mother-in-law is following the expected pattern/norm for those whose daughters end up with a “rich” farang. Take it or leave it, particularly if you intend on living the “simple” village life. On another note, why is Lek in uni if she’s going to feed chickens with you for the rest of her life?
View all comments by James
bob,
i’ve been getting intermittant messages that this site is blocked.
what’s up ?
View all comments by bobonzo
@bobonzo: Stay tuned. We are working on it but there is a blockage issue. It started last night. We will post an update today.
View all comments by pmmp
Also, no discussion please on the blockage matter until we sort this out. Thanks.
View all comments by pmmp
Totally understand… I was going to suggest making that last deletion, but you took care of it
View all comments by I Phukit
Can we discuss MY blockage issue? I think I ate too many peanuts and too much sticky rice this week. I’ve got this unbelievable constipation….
View all comments by Werewolf
ww - not sure I want to discuss it but those weight loss pills that the go-go girls are always on should fix it.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
The money demands will only end when you have been squeezed as dry as a sponge, then you will be cast aside for the next sucker, and the whole process will start again, it won’t change, just try and learn to live with it, if not, buy a one way bus ticket to Pattaya, a bottle of cheap rotgut whisky and go sit out on a high condo balcony until the urge to fly overcomes you.
View all comments by materialsman
I fear this will not end well for for NaCl…not well at all.
View all comments by Indu WangZi
Please read (or read again) the book :
Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye: True stories from the case files of Warren Olson
YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER IN THIS BOOK
you can find it in any bookshop in bkk
Take care
View all comments by iamfine
Or read ‘Thailand Fever’ for a more considered take on Thai-Farang relationships.
View all comments by Combover
Hey pal, Next to NO wife a good wife is best…And a good wife is a fucking orphan…
View all comments by L-Nino
I don’t see anything shocking in helping the mother in-law a little bit. When she was still alive, I was sending some small money everymonth and she knew that was it. After 8-9 years of marriage and 2 kids, we built a house other there that my wife and kids use 2 months a year, me less than that. Nobody lives there except a maid when we are not in. Also, we help for some kids schooling and in case of health problem. Now my wife’s mother has passed and we give no money to the in-laws. Why should we ? I know a thai girl from the village and living in BKK who sends 30% of her salary to mother. The Thais wait that you help if you can. The thing is that you have to decide for an amount of money and not change, even if the buffalo is sick or whatever. If the rules of the game are clear, it is OK.
View all comments by Marc
marc - pretty simple. she was not the mother in law - only the mother of a gf. so she was WAY out of line and is she is that bad at this point just think what a horrid mother n law she will turn out to be cause it only gets worse if it starts like this.
View all comments by sideshowBOB