The FARANG Speaks 2 Much (tfs2m)

Part One - 6 Weeks in Phuket

So I arrived in Phuket after an agonizing 4 day trip from the Maldives, excited as ever but I was working for the first 6 weeks. I spent most of the time in Patong Beach, although I did get to sail to about 6 others Islands including Koh Rok which was beautiful but quiet. Patong Beach was a lot better this time round, well I guess it would be without a girlfriend. She was on the Island and we were supposed to meet up but she couldn’t see me. Something about no taxi’s in Ra Wai (South Phuket). Ra Wai is a Thai part of Phuket with a quiet beach and lots of good seafood/BBQ places that’s very cheap and worth a trip. I discovered this because I decided to check her claim, there’s was an abundance of taxi’s there. Note to self - Idiot. I instantly wrote her off as being with a sponsor and decided I was single again. A good move especially as I was out most night with a bunch of lads.

I have always found a good girl after about 3 and stayed with them, generally the first good performer who doesn’t want any money. This always turns into my temporary girlfriend for the coming months but is always a pain when I leave. It’s not the “Knight in Shinning Armour Syndrome” just a case of staying with the same bird for too long. I’m not a robot and start to care after awhile, although I think some of them are robots, unstoppable sex droids (like out of the Austin Powers movie). Actually it’s kind of like that in Thailand when you bump into a girl you haven’t seen in awhile and exchange numbers again, always reminds me of Austin Powers “Shall we shag now or shag later”. Anyway the new plan was not to get attached and let the bio-clock mess me up. Sole objective was to stay single and the only way I could think of achieving this was to take a new girl every time. No more English gentleman.

Back to the stories, I was kind of their tour guide but they didn’t need much directing. One of them described Patong beach like “Wading into a Bloodbath”. The best bars for my friends and myself where on soi Sea Dragon and Suzie’s Wongs had the best selection of girls in this soi. The hottest girls where found in Rock Hard and Dragon agogo. But there was just so much on the streets and in the bars it was refreshing especially as nobody knew me. Cash back. Suzie Wongs girls had good attitudes and they have lots of foam whips for smacking the girls asses or watching them smack each others. The lesbian show rocked and got me going. I decided not to bar fine a girl here and let my friends choose the path the night should take. But the girl I like stripped off and decided to ride/dry hump me much to whoops and cheers of my friends. I think after 2 minutes I said “bar fine: and she just smiled smugly and kept dry humping for another 2 minutes before getting changed. Top performer. I came back 30 minutes later to check on my friends and half of them where gone too. So I had a few drinks while waiting for there happy return.

I got a call from the ex who said she had seen me with another girl at a restaurant. I was with 2 friends and one of them had a girl who was blatantly sitting with my friend. Do they ever stop? – No. I was a little pissed that she had seen me and had not come to say hello so I simple replied “Arom Sia” and switched my phone off. I took a few girls from Rock Hard agogo and all where fun. I met one I really liked but had to stick to the rule “New Girl”. When I started speaking Thai to her (I’m not fluent yet) she completely changed and starting just opening up about everything. She said she wasn’t going to come over but since I was nice and just wanted ST, perfect. Actually it was her who showed me the really nice ST hotel. I was a little concerned that she wouldn’t perform but turned out to be one of the best of the trip. She showered with me and as soon as we hit the bed she turned it on a crazy nympho sex whore screaming “Cum on my tits, cum on my tits” and then rubbing it in all over her tits. I gave her 2000 and felt good, Result. As soon as we showered she turned it off and we went back for another drink and chat before I left. That was the perfect experience for me. One thing this girl was hot and when she got changed she looked hotter. Tiny shorts, tiny top and a cowboy hat. On the way to the short time hotel I heard a girl give out a shocked sound that sounded exactly like the sound my ex use to make when I shocked her. I spun around but saw no-one.

Actually every time I come to Thailand it’s a different thing for me. First time was just fucking them, then I had a phase of just wanting blow jobs (those where the days), some months it’s anal sex with girls with perfect asses, Penthouse girls or 3-somes but this trip was Tit-wanks. Putting my cock between a well oil nice rack and letting her do all the work. Is it just me or does anyone go through these phases?

I guess this is working backwards but most nights started out at Christine’s massage you can’t miss it huge pink building that any Tuk-tuk or Taxi can take you to. This is a full service soapy place and a good experience. On the way in we were greeted by a camp Thai guy who was hilarious. He sat us all down and talked us through the whole thing. Great for newbie’s and very relaxing. He described the girls in the three sections like we where boarding a plane. “Down there is Economy class they cost 2000 Baht, in the middle is standard class, 2500 Baht and to the right is Business/First class, 3000 Baht”. We were in cahoots. He described it as a European style place, but as this was my first soapy I didn’t have much to go on. Yes I did say first and I am now wondering why I have never been to one in Bangkok or for that matter why I never went to one when I was in Bangkok after Phuket. Next time.

Well for all you expats the first class girls where not first class. Economy had the 2-3’s, standard had the 3-5’s and First class had the 5-7’s out of 10. After selecting a girl we were walked to the cashier to pay and met by the girls. They asked me if I wanted a drink or want to buy the ladies a drink to which I replied “No, I didn’t come here for a drink”. I heard one of the girls say “Mai Kreng Jai”. She didn’t know I spoke Thai and she was right so I changed my mind and bought her a drink. She looked at me and asked if I spoke Thai. I admitted I did. (so hard to pretend you only speak English). As I said most nights started here and the price quickly came down to 2000 Baht for the first class girls. I had a couple of lame experiences and started asking the Poofta which girls to go for and wish I had done this from the start. All his choices were excellent experiences.

I was curious and wanted to try some more Soapy action so asked the Tuk-tuk drivers if there was any other large soapies on the Island and there was one in Phuket Town. It’s about 20mins away and I think it was only 500 baht there and back. (Phuket is a little dear on the taxi’s and tuk-tuks if you live in Bangkok). The other place was big and well crap. Poor selection of girls and poor experience. So Christine’s wins hand down. Although there was a kind of G-Club/Cabaret called Fantasia (not FantaSea at the end of Bangla Rd) next to the soapy place. We tried it one night and was basically a G-Club experience numbers easy obtained, although I never got the chance to ring them back. Ringing them back was too much effort and I wasn’t really into foreplay this time round. Hold on just have to put Soapies in Word’s dictionary as it doesn’t think it’s a word. Maybe Smitty could release a custom dictionary update for Word.

It was not all fun though, I had work to do. Work I can’t talk about but I will share this. We had a lot of Penthouse girls (7-10’s) flown down and they where all given 100,000 baht for coming and extra 200,000 baht if they where banged. Not bad for a days work. They are also flown out by private jets around the world for the same rates. I managed to chat to some and what surprised me most was how nice and well Thai they where, phone numbers collected (sorry Smitty). It could of gone the other way and I could of lost my job for asking, “This is Thailand”. It also made me think I’m in the wrong profession as I only got a measly 400,000 Baht tip.

How could I almost forget the dreaded Visa run, goes like this. Sat on the yacht for a couple of hours. Sailed to Malaysia. Agent and Immigration Officer came to see us, Stamped our passports, stayed the night and sailed back to Patong beach. Not as smooth as it sounds, we weren’t allowed out in Malaysia. The High’s are very high and the lows are very low.

The night was again a round of Christine’s for everyone. I decided to be super lazy and let her do all the work. And she just didn’t stop bouncing up and down. Every time she appeared to get a little tired she would re-double her efforts and bounce harder and faster. A think it was a good 15-20 minutes before I fired into her. I gave her a well deserved 1000 Baht tip. If only everyone would understand that we only tip good service.

On the way back from the soapy we stopped in a Ku-bar for a few games of pool because there where some young hotties (note to add hotties to Word dictionary) inside. I stayed chatting with a sweet girl and watched my friends play pool. I noticed that after a couple of games the wager had risen from a drink to 100 Baht, then as the girls lost 200 Baht, 400, 800, 1600. I could see their plan but my team was winning. The girl I was with warned the girls to stop at 800 but did they listen. Then there was a change of game and it was up to 4000 Baht over a game of Hammer and Nails. Mistake. Night after drunken night of playing this game on soi Sea Dragon (the guys liked it best) had honed my team whereas the girls seemed not to be able to hit a camels ass with a banjo. My team dropped the nails in 1 or 2 attempts and the girls in 3 or 4. Ouch! Then they called for the Bill “Check Bin na krap”. I had been paying for my drinks as had another 2 friends as they where drinking. So that left the bill at 2700 baht for 2 people for about an hour and an half. They complained, 2 of them had not drunk 10+ beers each and the girl told them to “Fuck Off”. My friend was upset and pissed off at being treated like this and there was a little scene. They took the 4000 baht off the girls and left 2500 for the bill. I didn’t say a word. We had been in here a couple of times before and my girl asked where I was going and I told her about my ex and how I was trying for 3 a night (2 when I was tired). After her shock she asked what I normally pay and if she could be the first of the night. I didn’t let her know she was second but Agreed for 1,500 ST. She was a little shy and said it was because she hadn’t been with a Farang who spoke Thai before. When she got to the room with the frosty windowed shower she livened up and was a cheeky little lay.

When it got later we all headed to FBI Bar, one end of Bangla Road (FantaSea end) It was lively. good selection of freelancers and a dam good Thai band doing rock covers. Excellent Metallica covers. From here we went below Tiger to the Bars. Tons of hot sluts and then up to Tiger disco. Tiger is big has two main area and played house mixed with some chart. It was packed with freelancers and a good place to dance open very late 5-6 in the morning.

I had a few solo missions, went to D-Club on soi Crocodile (soi Katoey). There was about 8 dancers on the main stage that could be bar-fined if you chatted them up (6-7’s). I took one back to my main hotel and was a lot of fun. After that I went to a place called Safari which is out of town a bit. Just ask a Tuk-tuk driver to take you there but it’s a collection of bar’s and disco about 10 minutes out from Bangla. This is was full of Thai’s and a few Farangs (expats) hardly any tourists actually. Cheap and fun, good pulling ground. I remember lots of Thais outside with custom bike and cars. Good crowd and open till the after the sun’s come up.

My last night I decided to go to Dragon agogo not the Dragon show next door (It’s good very hot birds 8-10’s but a one time thing). On the way up to Dragon (soi Easy) I spotted that sign for Wave again, ok must have a look but I couldn’t find the entrance so I asked a couple of Thais nearby and they said “Coming Soon”. Not like the great advertising on the board my friends and I had spotted “Open Now”. Anyway I had been too Dragon a few times mainly because of the hot birds in there, not to mention some hot service staff. You have to wait until 3am to take the service staff. This time things just didn’t seem to be working. They have go-go girls who do dances and do shows and later about 11pm the real hot girls from the Dragon show come over and they are like tequila girls but they also do a lot of shows. The problem was barfining (another word for the custom dic, come on Gates) a girl I liked. There was only a couple of hotties left that I hadn’t shagged and when I tried too they said they could because they had to do the show. I spoke to the Mamasan and she said it was better to choose a different girl or give her 5000 baht. I said I would only pay 5,000 for one of the Tequila girls and she called one over who also said she can’t do that because of the shows. Then I asked the Mamasan (Gates) if I was in a go-go bar and she coyly smiled and me and apologized. Never mind hey., I bought her a drink and she recommended a girl to me that had very white skin but just didn’t do it for me. In the end I got on really well with one of the tequilas girls, the one I liked from before and she happened to be going back to Bangkok a few days after me. Number collected.