editor’s note: I am sure JD will have a field day with this title…
My first visit to Thailand (BKK) was two years ago. I was invited to go out and visit a work colleague who is living there. He was still at work (we work abroad) and would join me 3 days after I arrive. All I had to do was amuse myself for 3 days……..
My first night saw me venturing to Soi Cowboy. Armed with a post-it note scribblings of where to go, what to do and other useful tips, I soon entered a go-go and completed my first ever bar-fine! The girl had already been fuelled with booze and I didn’t hold back with all the slinging of vodka down my neck trying to get rid of my ‘newbie alone’ nerves. We left the go-go arm in arm…(ahhh)…. The following conversation took place…
New Wife: Where you flom?
Me: England.
Nw; Fist time Thialan
ME: yes
Nw: I like Englan man. He hab good heart.
Ahh.. bless her…..
Anyway, on one of my post-it notes. There was something about…’you must feed her at night’..(it was like looking after a Gremlin)….. so when she said ‘food’… I just nodded like an idiot and said.. “no problem”… fill yer boots kind of thing…. We jumped in a taxi and she gave the driver directions. She told me of a place which had good food that I will like, but we have to be quick as it was nearly midnight (I just searched through more post-it notes to see if I was allowed to get her wet)
The taxi ride took about 5 minutes, which was enough time for my N.W to make several phone calls which always contained the word ‘fullang’?! However, she did smile when she looked at me, so it was all good.
In the eating house, (the term ‘restaurant’ makes it sound more glamorous) the wife chose a big table and said that we should have a drink first. It was around 11:30, so thought what the hell… I’m enjoying myself.. I think….?!
The Bacardi’s and gins (can’t remember) were flowing freely… we were interacting as best I could. The poor girl had only been working at the go-go bar for 2 weeks and very rarely goes with customer. ‘she no like’….. poor girl I thought. Had I of had shit load of cotton wool, I’d have wrapped her up in it.
After the 3rd or 4th round of drinks, wifey leapt into life as (what a coincidence) some of her friends turned up!!! Wow… ‘can my flend eat with us’ she asked?! How could I say ‘no’?.. After all…it must have been fate, as we had a table for 6 anyway……
More drinks arrived.. they all spoke Thai, laughing and joking. I kept hearing the word ‘fullang’.. ( I think it meant ‘hung like a donkey?). whilst more booze arrived. Soon after, plates of food started arriving… several plates… in fact, I had to check my pos-it notes to see if said anywhere that a Thai girl can eat her own bodyweight.
After 30 mins.. My new wife was very worse for ware.. Sinking all the booze and half a bottle of wine had made her a little unsteady and she hobbled to he toilet with her ‘flend’.
Ten mins later, she came back with bits of vomit in her hair and mascara down her face - nice.
Her ‘flend’ said that I should take her home, “she not well”…. I argued that as she is sick and about to pass out at any moment, maybe it’s best that she goes with her?. The ‘flend’ looked annoyed. Realising that I was a ‘newbie’ and therefore didn’t realise I was expected to pay them off, they all got up and left… carrying my wife with them. With my wife having an arm slung around her flend, vomit in hair and running make-up, she actually looked like a Gremlin, I realised what it’d look like had I of brought her back to my hotel. (- It reminded me of my days is Ibiza, when I’d ‘prey on the wounded’ at 4 am… another story).
So there I sat… 14 plates of food, a dozen empty Bacardi breezer bottles and half a bottle of wine…
I was not impressed!! Then…. One of the girls returned! She said that it was not right that I was left here all on my own on my first night, especially with all that food. (That, or she was still hungry).
The girl spoke good English and said that she works as the ‘Bus Stop’ (dayshift) and told me how my ‘ex’-wife called he about an hour ago and told her to come for dinner. (Sucker!!)
Anyway, full respect to her.. She explained some of the ‘rules’, what to look out for, bar-fines, fees, ‘lies’…. I don’t know why she did that, but hey, not all BG’s are bad?
I explained that I was waiting for my friend who would arrive in two days. She ‘offered’ to spend the time with me and show me around and teach me a little. I remembered my post-it note that said ‘Always agree a price’! I can’t remember how much, but I don’t think it was expensive.
I spent the next two days with her. She taught me a thing or two and she became my ‘1st’ in Thailand. After 2 days, we parted company when my mentor arrived.
That was my first ever visit to Thailand 2 years ago. Every visit I learn something new. Whether it’s from a bargirl, a friend, a fellow drinker or from my own mistakes.
- it’s all part of the fun!
After thought… I am still in contact with my ‘1st’…. She works in another bar along Soi 4 and I bump into her regularly. She is always friendly and offers a smile.. I’d never take her again as looks a right pig … Especially as I now realise why she always wanted to eat in a place called ‘Emporium’?!
you nailed it. dude. like being drop off for the first day of school.except for the fact that the lower unit is holding all the brains.
View all comments by hammy
Great story!
View all comments by werewolf
Where to begin?…
One thing I’ve NEVER understood (or don’t understand) is feeding ‘em BEFORE doing the deed (with the exception of a 20 baht bag of mango as we make the walk of shame).
Doesn’t that lead to lethergy (horizontally speaking)?
And besides, I prefer to work up an appetite and THEN eat.
Maybe that’s just me.
View all comments by Jack Dawson
What’s wrong with these people?
Screw over a farang every chance they get.
View all comments by Khun J
Tally Ho Farang aka Ang moh aka Bulé- yet another Caucasian male spreading his wild oats like a champion stud stallion on viagra.
If you likes your poon-tang (pepek) you HAVE to visit Stadium in Kota Jakarta- way better than anything in Sukhumvit.
2 dance floors and bars, wall-to ceiling pusseh (pepek/memek) and 3 floors of wall-to-wall whores, waiters palming off ecstacy and all run by the military so completly untouchable. don’t bring drugs into the country though (plenty available for cheap in Jakarta) otherwise you’ll be up for the firing squad if you can’t afford extortionate bribes ( for an estimate- think selling a lung, kidney and a cornea to cover it).
World-class DJ’s frequently tour- so plenty of chance for legit free, horny Indo-pusseh! And they LOVE BULÉ (whitey) dick (kontol)- especially the Chinese (orang cina) looking for green cards to escape).
Re: Farangkwai- aka Gadis Bule (western girl in Bahasa Indo) has long been known to be the bane of any husband, white, black or in-between.
In Indo- a long bolster pillow is called an Istri Belanda (Dutch Wife) cos it’s fat, soft and does fuck all in bed worth a shit aside from laying your leg on when trying to sleep (you know cos your thighs stick together from the humidity and excess pusseh juice).
White women- all fucking hairy, crude, fat and useless with poor posture and hips that make my bovines feel anorexic.
Keep it up naughty boy (laki-laki nakal) and don’t forget your rubber raincoat for your soldier- you don’t want him catching a runny ‘eye’- aka the clap!
Here’s to fucking women so gorgeous that you’ve re-discovered God, Allah, Visnu, Krisna and Yahweh. Asian poon-tang- so spicy and enak (yummy!)
View all comments by Turdporn
JD - good point
I love all the girls. White, Black, Yellow, Tan, Blue, Green, etc Call me Captain Kirk cause I’ll fuck anything.
View all comments by Young Royal
Not exactly going where no mans gone before…..I’ll stick to YR thanks.
View all comments by Young Royal
Smitty - found this in the urban dictionary, Sport Fucking.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sport+fucking
View all comments by Young Royal
Chaps
A propos of long-time as opposed to first-time but, I believe, still relevant:
My three (or four?) years of essentially avoiding all but a few NEP bars (after a previous five or six years of escalating disgust with the generally imbicilically rude, grasping, drink-begging behavior of staff in the majority of the NEP venues) was happily broken recently with a visit to your bar
I DO, however, credit the afore-referenced rudeness with an improvment in my Thai:
I learned to say things like, “Listen,’Deht-ling’ (monkey-arsed skank), if I were a Thai man you’d NEVER ask me for a tip, you’d never say I was keeneow and you’d never speak to me like that. NEVER.”
It appears now that those bad ole days are definitely on the wane.
So, congrats on running an airy, relaxing environment in the charmingly-disheveled nest of whores that is Nana Entertainment Plaza!
The only other VEP exception would be the “recently” renovated and exorcised “Woodstock”. A bar, which I view as part of NEP in name only
On a good night, the other Rainbows fall into place serially behind the oft-revered #4.
(IMHO, AW has always had a severe case of “paddy princess-itis” and IMHO it’s just getting worse.)
Here’s hoping that the BM’s staff training, decent manners, (customer respect, at least) are contagious and spread to the rest of the nest
All the above pretty well approaching winky tongue-in-cheek status but y’all get the idea, I’d venture to say.
One has only to ask any successful bar girl: Training and customer respect are as essential as that “bod for sin”.
View all comments by Thongsuk
ts - thanks for the compliments. We do try. I have stated before, many times, that I am learning to interact and expect behavior out of Thai girls the way decent, confident Thai guys get treated. Not saying I beat on them or treat them like shit like low-life Thai guys but that I expect not to be taken the piss out of like a FOB farang. I think it works and u hit the nail on the head.
View all comments by smitty
Sad state of affiars when a Bar owner has to come onto the internet and boast that his staff treat the guests with respect.
I’m happy the Big Mango has this policy buy what does that say about the industry in general?
View all comments by khun j
kj - I was not talking about the girls at the mango. I think Thongsuk was so I don’t think anywhere on this thread are we the owners talking about mango girls that I know of. I do think in general though the lower suk scene is not what it used to be in terms of how the girls treat Farang. My comment was related to how I interact with girls in my life - not business stuff. thx.
View all comments by smitty
I always hear good things about the Big Mango Smitty.
I just think it’s astonishing that good customer service in the Plaza is the exception. The rude staff and lazy Go Go girls chased me outta there a few years ago. Can’t stand even walking by the place. I guess they think it’s funny to disrespect the customers. That’s Ok. I have saved a ton of cash avoiding the place.
Keep up the good work and maybe you can teach the other bars a thing or two about customer service.
Take care.
KJ
View all comments by khun j
@ Khun j I guess we’re off topic now unless we make a torturous connection between manners and one’s “first time, but that’s what I was driving at.
When you sit down and figure out the cost of a go-go start-up, the extent to which some of the wait-staff and dancers are allowed to ritualize and tribalize around the notion that farang guests are there as objects of derision and contempt simply beggars belief.
Complain to a farang owner? Forget it. They’re in over their heads and shit-scared to lose their staff! Right or wrong, you, the wingeing customer, are easier to replace
took over and the places went to hell in three months.
I could tell you the names of ten once, REALLY GREAT bars that were ruined by lazy gutless owners who permitted disgustingly rude behavior. The “mamasans” (don’t get me started
I don’t need to have my ass kissed, nor do I take any great delight in a volley of phony “na-kaaaaa’s” and “loh kaaaaaa’s” or even the usual “take the piss wai” action, but there are certain minimum standards that come with booze at 3-500 percent mark-up.
I don’t go where I’m not respected.
I get respect and service and a good time in all the bars I mentioned.
From the sounds of werewolf’s G-club experience,
http://bargirlsrpeople2.wordpress.com/2007/10/12/review-the-pent-club/
for the cost of four or five bad nights in Nana, you can inter-act with big time G-club pussy and get proper treatment to boot!
Go figure
From what I can see, G-clubs are the Thai version of what used to be called the singles scene back in the old country.
There’s just Thai spin on it
View all comments by Thongsuk