Mango Game Show - Part 1
It’s mayhem at Mango Studios (2nd floor area by the bathroom) as the contestants ready themselves for the first event. YP and the Gang have no troubles rousing up the studio audience as the atmosphere is buzzing. Duck’s family is down from Korat which left just two chairs for Joe’s entourage consisting of Big Baby Kenny with a uni girl he pulled from the Ramkhamhaeng University Library, in the Anatomy section. Let the games begin:
PMMP: Welcome Contestants to the first Event of…(pause)
STUDIO AUDIENCE LED BY YP AND THE GANG: Pay me 10,000!!!
PMMP: Event number one is called ‘Is she a he?’. Here’s how it works. Our lovely Assistant, the girl I met this morning, at Lucky, let’s just call her CW, will reveal a large photograph of a human being that resembles a woman. You have to write down whether you think that human being is a she or a he. Bear in mind, that he can be a ‘cut’ ladyboy and even though most cut ladyboys believe they are a she, for the purposes of this event a cut ladyboy is a he. The first contestant to answer correctly five times wins the event and the 100 points. In the event we are tied at 5 it will be sudden death until one person answers incorrectly. Okay, CW, please reveal the first photograph:
Before we go into how our Contestants faired, here are the pictures first so you can test your own ‘Is she a he?’ aptitude. Click on the pics to enlarge and write down “he” or “she” for each one. Feel free to post a comment on how you scored out of 12. Answers are given during the game below.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
Back to the game…
1.
PMMP: Okay, write down your answers. Duck, you first. Is she a he?
DUCK: She too ugly to be ladyboy. No, she not he, she she.
PMMP: Joe? Is she a he?
JOE: I think she’s got a potato in the sack pmmp so I wrote down ‘he’, she is a he.
PMMP: She is not a he, she is in fact a she. First on the board is the lovely Duck who now leads 1-0. Okay, CW please show us the next photo…
2.
PMMP: Please write your answers down. Joe?
JOE: I happen to have some inside info. on this one pmmp, meaning she’s been inside me before, if you know what I mean.
PMMP: Yes, Yes, I think we all know what you mean Joe. Duck?
DUCK: Dangit, I think she GoGo slut, really look like lady.
PMMP: Yes, but she is actually a he. Okay, we are now tied 1-1. CW, next photo please?
3.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: She katoey for sure.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: That’s a boy for sure pmmp.
PMMP: Well, you’re both wrong I’m afraid. Score remains at 1-1. CW, next photo please?
4.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: Hey pmmp, how much did you agree on with CW this morning? I’m thinking long time with a game show co-host role, 2500 baht. Am I close?
PMMP: Let’s stick to the game Joe, is she a he?
JOE: That’s a she pmmp.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: 2500? you cheap charlie Joe. Girl have to boom boom and work game show. I think 10,000 better.
PMMP: Okay, Okay, we can discuss this later.
CW: 10,000 sound good to me.
PMMP: Duck, is she a he?
DUCK: No pmmp, she is a she.
PMMP: You are both wrong again, still 1-1. CW?…CW?…Geez, don’t tell me she took off over what I’m paying her. Pants Elk? Can you put on your brassiere and give us a hand turning these photos?
PANTS ELK: Bite me Jackass! …Oh, okay, I’ll help. Right then, let’s get on with it…
5.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: She look like little bitch who take my boyfriend one night. Only a ’she’ can be bitch like this.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: Been there done that again pmmp. She’s a she.
PMMP: You are both right, she is a she. 2-2. Pants, next photo please?
6.
JOE: Definitely a she.
DUCK: I also say she a she.
PMMP: and I say you’re both wrong again, she’s a he, score still 2-2. Pants, next please?
PMMP: PANTS??? What the hell is that?
PANTS ELK: Ahhhhhh, Fuck Off! If you want me to turn these fookin cards then the least you could do is let me promote my line of men’s lingerie. This is the Tiger print push up bra called AfricaElk. When I wore this one for the first time all my friends asked me the same question.
SIDESHOW SMITTY: Was the question: ‘Is that a women’s bra you’re wearing ya poof?’
PANTS ELK : No, it was ‘Hey, you been working out?’, so piss off Slinky head.
PMMP: Okay, are we done now, can we move on? Next photo please?
7.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: It’s Duck’s turn to go first.
PMMP: Sorry, my bad, now just tell us what you picked.
JOE: She looks Uni so I think she is a she.
DUCK: I think she Uni too, she is a she.
PMMP: and you’re both wrong again, still 2-2. Pants, next please?
8.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: I like her dress and I think she very pretty, must be a ladyboy. She is a he.
JOE: Nah, she is a she. You can see her arm bends like a girls. No ladyboy can do that.
PMMP: Well, this one can, she is a he. Duck takes the lead 3-2. Pants, next?
9.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: Last weekend in Pattaya pmmp, she is a he. What a great time we had too, just 200 baht, but I had to wait for her to finish two short-time’s first. Let me tell ya, her ass could take a monkey up to his waist at that point but it was still good fun.
PMMP: Please Joe, no details ever again. Duck?
DUCK: She a he for sure.
PMMP: You are both right! Duck now leads 4-3 and is just one away from winning the 100 points. Pants?
10.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: Look like lady but maybe she do good Penfold (Urban Dictionary defines ‘Penfold’ as a penis fold, where the penis gets folded back into the ass crack revealing a camel toe in the front) so I say she is a he.
JOE: No meat and potatoes there, she is a she. Had her over about a month ago. Red-bedded me, her time of the…
PMMP: Joe, please, yuck, please, but you are right, she is a she. The score is now 4-4. Pants, next please?
11.
PMMP: Joe?
JOE: This was a tough one. A boy’s face but with girl cleavage. She is a he.
DUCK: I also said she is a he. Look like my cousin. He a ladyboy too.
PMMP: Well, the game goes on, you are both wrong, she is a she, still 4-4. Pants, next photo please?
12.
PMMP: Duck?
DUCK: She beautiful which is why I think she is a he.
JOE: WooooooooHooooooooo. I win!!!! Been there done that before pmmp so I’m 100% sure that she is a she. WooooooHooooooo!!!!
PMMP: So sorry Joe, I’m saying it ain’t so, she is a he. Congratulations to Duck who is our winner 5-4, winning the first event and the 100 Points.
The studio audience goes nuts at this point. It’s like songkran without the water and mud. Isaan music blares and the bottles of Leo are emptied. BBK and friend join the fun.
JOE: No way dude, she told me she was a she and even had the vaj. Look at her, she’s a she.
PMMP: Sorry bud, she’s a cut ladyboy.
JOE: Son of a bitch. Oh well. She gave an awesome blowjob. I remember going down on her too. I was pretty drunk so wasn’t paying attention too closely but now that I think about it there did seem to be some pieces of flesh in places where there normally isn’t flesh. Tasted a bit funny too. Then again, I’ve seen some ladies where it looked like a bad flesh wound and tasted like sewage of raw sewage. No matter. Girl was da bomb. She was even into…
PMMP: Okay, Okay, we get it…Well, Ladies, Gentlemen, and everyone else, that concludes our first event. A special thanks to Daywalker for providing the ‘is she a he?’ data. Each ladyboy, cut or not, was personally verified by Daywalker using his patented 100% exterior 10% interior body inspection technique. For the ladies, he wasn’t really experienced or sure how to verify so I had to pitch in there.
Quite an eventful first event it was and so much learned…I think. Next up in part 3, Event #2 - After Hours Trivia…
-pmmp
I know I should have had an advantage, what with operating the slide-show and all, but I scored a disappointing 8 out of 12. Disappointing in that I’m embarrassed by being able to get such a high score. It means I’ve been studying these tramps rather more than is healthy. Number 11 I didn’t even click on, I was so sure there were meat and potatoes on the menu; an appalling blunder.
Good game! Good game!
View all comments by Pants Elk
Just gave this test to my gf (an Issan girl) and she scored same same me, but different. Amazing Thailand!
View all comments by Pants Elk
pmmp - i would forget ch 3, your new game show should be on discovery channel. that’s some scary educational shit. the contestants’ scores could have been even less if the lights were turned down and they were wearing beer goggles.
View all comments by Mr Carpet
same - but different. rather shocking.
the clean up from the mango studios after party was out of control. YP is gnarly.
I scored 100 percent and I have not previous experience but BBB whispered all the right answers in my ear. He said YP told him which ones were which but then YP said he got the answers from pants elk. all in all just very confusing since PE scored so badly. I guess I was just lucky.
screw discovery channel - this will be a live broadcast on the blog.
View all comments by smitty
I would like to point out that I didn’t know where to find the ladyboys. So I set up camp outsoide pmmp’s condo and grabbed them on the way out.
View all comments by Daywalker
I have them all on speed dial boys
Seriously now though, I even got a blowie from number 9 in Pattaya a while back. Tattoo down her arm spells ‘MARTIN’ if i remember correctly. Class.
View all comments by Young Penfold
So if you are dealing with a “cut” gathoey won’t it technically be “crossing swords” during coitus or would we have to call it something else since it’s a penis only turned inside out?
View all comments by UnCohinoWetback
YP - number 9 is famous, you got a blowie from a star Dude! Her name’s Noon, been talking to her a few times, she’s all fun!
View all comments by mart
As a newbie - been in Bangkok 3 times now, I thought I would, errr, “choke” on this. I manage to score 10 right. Amazing but it kinda scares me actually. Missed #3 and #6.
Used a complex algorithm to solve this problem:
If ugly or at least not hot = girl
If doing something slutty = guy.
failed on #3 - licking lollipop suggestively seemed a bit boy time.
failed on #6 - the sort of shy posture hiding boobs fooled me.
Good game. We should earn beer points or something.
Booked my flight for Bangkok for Friday - hoping to turn up for a beer or 2 Friday.
View all comments by fugu
I scored number 6 correctly. I used a slightly different method though.
the picture reminded me of Daryl Hannah in splash with the whole hiding of boobage. from there I jumped a couple of decades to the Daryl Hannah of now and i realized that she looks like man now. from this I came to the conclusion that number six must be a man and that I spend way too much time watching movies.
This method also works using the Brooke Shields “blue Lagoon” calculus.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
If ever there is a doubt… then there is no doubt.
View all comments by Daywalker
Mart - Sadly we ddnt really get on first name terms. Speaking of famous, I smashed the shit out of MOO from JSB (the 1 who went to prison a while back) in Pattaya the other night. Then for an extra 500baht (250baht each) her 2 mates smoking ice and watching lesbian porn in the corner of the room joined in the fray. All a game as they say
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP - Moo looks great but she’s a nutcase, nowhere as smart and fun as Noon! Been at Moo’s place? Still got the fish tank?
View all comments by mart
Shocked to only get 75% right - although two were ’safe’ mistakes (i.e. thought man, but was woman)
So, I have an 83% chance of not having to puke up unexpectedly amid cries of ‘yeuukkkk’ and ‘Gross’
View all comments by doctorbond
@ Senior Backus Wettius - DAMN, that made me laugh out loud becuase my first thought was - is this woman a mermaid or what? Darrah Hannah scared the shit out of me in Kill Bill. Seriously, she was so hot and then… whaaaa?
Now I am going to have to find an eye patch to bring with me on Friday… its time for Pirate Sex! Arrrg!
Anyways, it clear to me that some of us have our Gaydar tuned correctly - years of living around San Francisco finely tuned my senses… yeah right.
View all comments by fugu
Got 2 & 7 wrong. Oh well.
View all comments by Wombat
fugu - ladyboys have nothing to do with gays! Gays are not into ladyboys and ladyboys are not into gays. Some may argue that being into ladyboys IS gay though it definitely isn’t: gays are keen on masculine looks, period!
doc bond - I am very good at detecting katoeys but it’s really tough to tell from pictures. Assessing attitude and behaviour are essential!
View all comments by mart
In regards to fucking up your gaydar, think spending too much time in the city is the equivalent of a flock of seagulls flying into a radar and totally FUBAR’ing the thing. In central california I took pride in my gaydar since everything not related to fighting and listening to slayer constituted the realm of gay. But in the bay area (east Oakland excluded) you become comfortable with shit that would never fly in some of the podunk parts of central cali. I’ve never seen two drag queen sailors having buttsecks in an alley in Stockton, I have in the city though and upon seeing it didn’t strike me as shocking. If i would’ve seen it a few years earlier on charter way in south Stockton i’ve would’ve probably started gagging and throwing up the burrito i just scarfed from the taco truck.
Now i’m an avid placebo and rufus wainwright fan all thanks to my time in the city. still love slayer though.
I personally think Daryl Hannah is too tall for me. I could probably get in as her landscaper though.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
I was bollocksed so memory a bit hazy. Was called ‘P Place’ or something like that. Quite a nice LOOM with small kitchen. Maybe her crackhead mates smoke the fish? They smoked me like a fat havana
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP - Yeah P or D or B Place is the place! They’ve got a nice TV too but I can’t remember about the kitchen. Not only the mates are crackheads btw…
View all comments by mart
Well done, Young Penfold! Me, I’m just finishing off a pack of “Magic” Cheese Cracker Sandwiches, washed down with a nice mug of Nes.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Surprisingly high scores. Some people have the “Joe Advantage” like YP where he’s been with most of them already so can’t compare your score to them. For the record, Daryl Hannah was hottest in Wall Street.
View all comments by pmmp
@ mart - yep, I like to think my senses would be better tuned in a face to face scenario - However, in my last encounter with a ‘gaggle’ - (is that the collective noun?) of LB’s my visual inputs were all coming from the breast region, so faces, adams apples and voices didn’t really enter my conciousness.
View all comments by doctorbond
9 out of 10. I got stumped on 3, 5 and 10. However, I bet I would have had a perfect score had they been “live” and not photos; you don’t tell a lady boy by their looks standing still, or even their voice (though that’s usually a pretty good clue), but rather by how they move (general body language and especially walking)…apparently almost no male can truly walk like a woman…
And no offense meant to “your” girl, pmmp, but I find it hard to believe that there’s a Thai bar girl alive who would be fooled by photo number 2, haha!
View all comments by ratchada
Doctorbondizzle- when you say gaggle it brings to mind a bunch of old ladies in a sewing circle. why not use a more appropriate word that would more aptly describe ladyboys in groups of 3 or more. pack and swarm come to mind right off the bat being as they are aggressive sounding such as in a pack of sharks or swarm of killer bees. Hot naked sweaty aggression.
I was thinking pride as in lions too but that just sounds too masculine which would take some of the luster off and it makes me think of the lion king, which makes me cry thinking about when scar kills mufasa.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
doc - that’s one of the tricks : If you focus too much on the breasts, there’s a good chance that she’s a he!
View all comments by mart
@ mart - ha ha - true - but it was a compulsion…
@ damprear - a ‘compulsion’ of ladyboys (maybe that’s for YP) or a ‘peversion’ of ladyboys (that sounds unecessarily nasty) - I’ll settle with a ‘Phalanx’ of ladyboys until YP comes up with something bawdy and much funnier
View all comments by doctorbond
Hmm. Ratchada got “9 out of 10″. How’s your peripheral vision, Ratch?
View all comments by Pants Elk
For Ratch…. Natch - I was proud to score a perfect 13
View all comments by doctorbond
Collective nouns for ladyboys:
- Gusset
- Flounce
- Pout
- Shriek
View all comments by Pants Elk
P.S. @ damprear - gaggle brings to mind geese - where did you get the sewing ladies circle fixation from? Get yourself out with YP for an instant cure.
View all comments by doctorbond
drbond: 13? Pants Elk’s assistant/model/gik in the AfricaElk doesn’t count.
View all comments by pmmp
@ pmmp - hey if Ratch can maintain his inalienable right to believe there were 10 then I claim my inalienable right to believe there were 13 (Pants is a bit of a looker though isn’t he)
View all comments by doctorbond
The collective for an ass (as in donkey) is drove. that sounds appropriate since the ass is what is most interesting. A drove of ladyboys it is.
Other options include troop as in baboons. Since her ass will be red the next morning if you work it right I find it appropriate.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
*simper*
Get in line, doc.
View all comments by Pants Elk
The sewing circle thing just came to me, I have no idea why. Possible reasons include watching too much “golden girls” as a toddler and sleeping with 40 year old salsa dancing japanese ladies on a regular basis in osaka.
I would go out with Penfold but I’m not sure any damages incurred would be covered through my insurance.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
wetback - well if you’ve opted for Bupa’s “rear sure scheme”, such damages are covered.
View all comments by mart
I didn’t opt for any rear end damage insurance when I was buying. The “malicious or accidental chorizo-body separation” coverage was bought though just in case i pissed off the wrong Thai woman.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
It’s a cascade of ladyboys, duh.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
drbond: The PE line looks like this at the moment:
Prison Rape Outreach Founder Earl Stretcher, Harry Flitter (the anti-Gary Glitter, a young boy who goes after older men), the pack of wild dogs on soi 4, BBB, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Lexington Steele…the line stretches around the block so can’t see the rest. You sure you want in that line?
View all comments by pmmp
Hummmmmm - I’ll pass - any FL’s in at the moment?
View all comments by doctorbond
drbond: I’m at home right now and not in the bar, so Yes.
View all comments by pmmp
I don’t think you would want to be in line after Lexington Steele. It’d be like throwing a tic tac through a hula hoop after Lexington Steele is finished. Not sure how PE is going to be able to walk after that.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
You should be over there looking after your bar - But more importantly sorting out the wheat from the chaff,so that you have some prime cuts avaliable for me in about 7 weeks time -
*I seem to have mixed up my metaphors there*
Jeeze I really should be doing some work…
All those 6 hours ahead of me, have a great evening…..
View all comments by doctorbond
Just like to remind folks here that it’s BBB’s Open Wallet night at the Big Mango Bar on Wednesday night (number 30). Do the guy a favor and let him buy you a goddamn drink fercrissakes - how hard can it be? Is it asking too much to accept his hospitality? You got some kind of issue here with accepting generosity? You some kinda fag snob? Too high and mighty to belly up to the bar and raise a glass to one of Bangkok’s finest at his expense? You got a problem with that? You lookin’ at me, fuck-ball?
View all comments by Pants Elk
Ah, I’m afraid poor Panties’ aging retinas have failed him once again. It’s this kind of careless blatant disinformation up with which I will not put.
Wednesday is in fact BBB’s Empty Wallet night, on which all and sundry are invited to buy ME a drink, and perhaps nachos.
Pants Elk will be the elderly gentleman with the trifocal lenses on his aviator sunglasses, slyly palming the coins off other people’s change trays. I’ve seen him…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
My bad.
View all comments by Pants Elk
I was 10 for 13 missing on #2, #10 and PantsElk.
View all comments by werewolf
I’m #2, you big manly hunk of a fool, you! (BEATS TINY FISTS ON WEREWOLF’S HAIRY CHEST)
View all comments by Pants Elk
Bast. My representatives (Oh and Nid) were going be there just to let BBB buy me (them) a drink.
So mean. They’ll be most upset. I hope all others there will take pity on them and buy them a few tequillas each?
View all comments by Daywalker
“My Bad”
Is this what hip california dude types are saying as they wax up their boards? I’m having none of it you hear…
“My Arse” - that’s better, and no, that wasn’t an invitation Pants
View all comments by doctorbond
7 out of 12
or if you count the 13th pic then 7 out of 13 (PE really tricked me)
PMMP - I know i shouldn’t have but i showed my buddies at work… there were some bad numbers….
3 of 12 - Big R
5 of 12 - Farts J
5 of 12 - Harry C
5 of 12 - The Armenian H
6 of 12 - Boss Hog P
It would be fun to take one of them out there and actually have this contest… I’d throw a few thousand down just to yell out “Pay Me 10,000!!”
In fact i can see Nid yelling it out with her moto cycle helmet on!!! ha ha ha
Good stuff good stuff… awaiting part 3
View all comments by GoodLife
goodwife: Awesome data from your office buds. Interesting to see how the numbers change dramatically from US office guys who’ve never been to Thailand to bkk vets that have actually been with some of the photos. If you do bring any of your buds out here we can make a game out of it for sure.
View all comments by pmmp
Uh oh, I’m in trouble! I scored very low, and will be in Bangkok for the first time next week.
Maybe I should head straight for the ladyboy bars when I arrive, just to calibrate my sensors while sober. I’m not a hater, but I’m also not a sausage juggler, and I’d hate to be surprised.
View all comments by Twice Shy
Got 10 out of 13. One wrong each way (3,7 and PE who could be either or both). Happy about this as I like to know whatI am buying, although the occasional surprise does spice things up a little.
These threads are fantastic - looking forward to the next instalment.
View all comments by Not in Paradise
Back on topic, I quite liked number 8.
View all comments by AUK
OK, I’m never returning to Thailand, ever again. 5-12. I’m clearly not cut out (he he) for that country.
View all comments by tosh
Just tested one of the lads at work with the gameshow. He scored 50 per cent! So this afternoons topic is which one is still okay to play with. Some people are easily swayed!
View all comments by auk
YP be careful when you’re with a hooker in a room and she’s smoking ice.
Especially with the head the ball like Moo.
View all comments by Jimmy Cricket
AUK - #8 scares me shitless I missed her (him - doh!) I must be real careful next time I’m in town
View all comments by Spyker
fyi, the 3 Swedes including ex-Mango bar manager Jonas were in the bar tonight, each of them went 6-12. The arm bend on #8 got one of them. #10 was the only one that stumped them all. So, it’s not true what they say about the Swedes being the most knowledgeable about Ladyboys.
View all comments by pmmp
Spyker, please leave number 8 alone, s(he) looks vulnerable! Pmmp, do you have her, sorry, his number?
View all comments by AUK
@pmmp, did Jonas come into the bar tonight with Rubber Gloves & a mop by any chance? No, I am not an ‘insider’, just knowledgable. Did I spell that right?
View all comments by AUK
Pmmp
I thought it was Italians & Germans who knew most about Ladyboys. Oh & Young Penfold I suppose.
View all comments by Wombat
Somehow I got the impression that there was gonna be a part 3 in this series… something about trivia?
BTW, did someone say something about a weekly?
View all comments by Werewolf
ww - thanks for the reminder. Ever so helpful.
View all comments by sideshowBOB