It’s been an unforgiveable five days since my last post. And that was only a couple of paragraphs about the party at Shark bar.
The main problem with running a Bangkok naughty nightlife website is that one is rather obliged to indulge in Bangkok’s naughty nightlife. Which means I usually wake up with either a naked Thai girl, a hangover, or (more often than not) both. Combine this with a day job, various non-naughty social commitments, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Charlie Brooker found the right analogy recently:
Jerry Seinfeld used to do a great routine about “Night Guy” and “Morning Guy”, two opposing personalities who lived in his head and dictated his movements. Night Guy was always messing things up: staying out late, having one drink too many, ploughing headlong into ill-advised sexual liaisons - because he never had to deal with the consequences. That was Morning Guy’s job. Morning Guy got the hangover - which was unfair, because Morning Guy had to be in the office by eight. Morning Guy hated Night Guy, but was powerless to stop him. #
That’s my excuse, such as it is. Although I never much liked Seinfeld.
Anyway, I’ve basically been drunk for the past fortnight. Which was nice. A friend from the UK was in Bangkok for the first time earlier this month, and insisted on buying me a beer, a burger and a babe. We started at The Big Mango’s birthday party. Quite the baptism of fire. And we carried on much in the same vein for most of the next week. I’m not complaining, but I was pretty much run into the ground by the end of the week.
Winner Takes It All
His highlight of the week was probably sleeping with a series of attractive young Thai girls from Nana Plaza. But the incident that I remember most fondly was away from the neon and the chrome poles. Sat in an open-air beer garden, we were talking about the institute of marriage. Which is a financial death-trap which girls dream about, but men have to be bullied into, in case you were wondering.
As my pal described how he felt as if every relationship somehow ended up feeling like a conveyor-belt to marriage (and I nodded in agreement), he went on to discuss the enormous cost of his ensuing divorce.
And just at that moment, the Thai DJ chose to play ABBA’s “Winner Takes It All”. We both sat in stunned silence. Well, he did. I was pissing myself with laughter. Said pal is now a fully paid-up member of the MLA, naturally.
Exploring Patpong
Patpong is the only one of the three big naughty nightlife areas which I’ve still yet to completely explore. Given that the vast majority of the “upstairs” bars are clip joints (eg. Super Pussy), I’m in no hurry to take my money into them. I think this is probably justified.
However, there are a ton of second-rate gogo bars and third-rate lounge bars which still need to be reviewed and catalogued if this site is going to be as comprehensive as I want it to be. So there’s going to be a short flurry of (mostly negative) reviews coming up. Just for the sake of completion, really. I’ve already updated the review of The Strip, though.
Speaking of Patpong, the Madrid bar is quite possibly home to the finest pizza in Bangkok. It’s Jenny’s birthday party this Tuesday (September 18), with free food from 6pm. Save a seat for me this time, eh?
All Change At Cowboy
A few changes going on at Soi Cowboy at the moment. The owner of Spice Girls, Midnite, Deja Vu and Our Place has bought the Cowboy One bar, and renovations are currently being carried out. The plan is, apparently, to knock through the wall separating Cowboy One and Spice Girls, combining both into a larger bar.
The DL Irish Pub is also currently under renovation, and will soon open as the Shadow Bar. Everyone I’ve spoken to has a different idea of what it’s going to be - from just another pub, to a regular gogo bar, to even a gay or katoey bar. I’m hedging my bets, personally - wait and see…
Speaking of change, I was in Toy Bar recently. The cashier was so drunk, I had to send my change tray back three times before receiving the correct amount. I don’t think there was any malice intended, but do check your change, guys…
Nana Plaza
Not much to report here. Rainbow 4 is still for sale after a year or so on the market (68 million baht o.n.o.). Rainbow 3 may or may not be for sale, depending on who you speak to. Angelwitch is definitely still for sale (55 million). And now Mercury bar is on the market - for a rather more reasonable 8 million, I believe. I heard Farang Connection may be looking for a buyer, too. Is business just hurting, or do they know something we don’t?
The Cruellest Cut
Finally, I was interested to read Stick Mark II’s column last week. Miss Udon had been asked under “what circumstances a Thai woman would cut off a man’s penis”, and mentioned in her response that she thinks “it is good because this idea will make men too scared to cheat because they will be scared about what might happen if they do! If a guy cheats then I think it is fair”.
Irritated, I sent an email to Stickman. Seems I wasn’t the only one. My question to Miss Udon is published as “Question 1″ in today’s column. Interesting stuff.
Your question to Miss Udon is a greusome example that demonstrates the irresponsible nature of Miss Udon's "advice".
Increasingly her responses in the Stick site are revealing a troubling attitude towards the relationships between Thai & Ferang — her supposed area of expertise. This is amazing coming from a woman who is actually married to a Westerner! I have never spent much time reading her column in the past; after the disgusting material she has produced throughout September 2007 I'm confident that I'll never bother to read her stuff again.
Sick Mark II is comic in his lengthy defense of Miss Udon. At one point he makes this statement:
"Miss Udon herself would never ever do this. She was simply answering a question that was put to her, attempting to explain a Thai woman's thinking. Just because she explained the way some women think does not mean that she would do it herself."
Apparently he doesn't read his own column! Miss Udon, in the 9 Sept 07 answer didn't simply "explain the way some women think." She actually endorsed the practice of penis mutilation as a good idea:
"Actually, I think it is good because this idea will make men too scared to cheat because they will be scared about what might happen if they do! If a guy cheats then I think it is fair."
Miss Udon's view on penis mutilation? In her own words: "I think it's good…. I think it is fair."
It's tragic that such views should be expressed in the first place, and stunning that they would be defended by the current author of the Mark II site. An apology would have been more appropriate. For my part, I'm deleting the Stickman bookmark from by browser today.
View all comments by werewolf
I stopped reading that guy when he got married and got all mushy. Definately won't go to that site again. His defense of her just shows you that they are about the same.
View all comments by JB
@Werewolf: Miss Udon is married? You sure you're not confusing her with Mrs Stick? Assuming they're not the same person (Mrs Stick is from Korat, I believe)…
@JB: I'm not bashing Stick, although plenty of people seem to feel the need to do so these days. His dropping of all the sex guide info from his website gave me the opportunity to fill the gap, so to speak…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
@BBB: I am certainly not an authority on the issue, but I thought it was pretty well acknowledged that Miss Udon is Stickman's wife. If this is not correct then I apologize for any factual errors in my comment.
View all comments by werewolf
*** Wife of the ORIGINAL Stickman… not Mark II ***
View all comments by werewolf
@werewolf: Hmm. I was under the impression that Stick's wife (who used to be credited in the old column as Mrs Stick) ceased contributing to the column prior to the relaunch as Stick Mark II. That's certainly how it's portrayed on Stick's site. I guess it could be a cover-up, but I'm not really one for conspiracies…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Okay… I'm happy to confess my ignorance of the actual identity of Miss Udon. I may be confused. I thought that there had been a definitive statement on the Big Mango site from Smitty last week but when I looked for it, it wasn't there.
I retract any statement that indicates that I know anything about Miss Udon's marital staus or the identity of any significant other that may be in her life.
I still don't like her opinions, whoever she is.
View all comments by werewolf
Heh, no worries. Maybe Smitty saw Stick with a Thai woman and just assumed it was his wife? Or maybe Miss Udon really is Mrs Stick (Ms Korat?!) in disguise… Can't argue with you on the final point, anyway!
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
your friend decided to buy you “a burger, a beer and a babe.”
ya gotta love bkk.
you don’t like seinfeld but it seems he’s very much spot on with his analysis of life. he lacks any sophistication or even coolness. he’s a nerd. but he can sum things up quite well.
i just don’t understand this jealous wife thing: i mean thai culture allows for a man to have a mistress. maybe thai women want to be the one to give ‘permission’ to have a mistress. instead of catching their man running around with women she does not know.
View all comments by dudeman
Thai girls will let you screw around on the side all you want.
The moment she loses face , you pecker could be in danger.
View all comments by KhunJ
When a poo ying threatens me with "cut, cut" if I boom boom another py, that's when I change GFs.
View all comments by KMS
Am I the only one to wake up & discover Big Jim & the twins being menaced by a knife. Wasn't a TG either rather a 5'8" slim blonde. Had me tied to the bed too. Luckily I was able to talk her out of it.
View all comments by Wombat
@Wombat: You serious? That sounds like a story. Hasn't happened to me yet, but there's always time…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
All true I'm afraid. The guzzling lout asleep in the next room is the result of that relationship. Fortunately his psycho mum hasn't been seen in ages.
View all comments by Wombat
aaaah, the dreaded khon kaen kut - every man's worst nightmare.
View all comments by the embezzler
how about a review of those up stair bars along pat pong 2? They look really sleazy.
View all comments by MSB
Have you been spying on me? Was up there very recently. Details to follow…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
yeah i am planning to out you on my notbangkokbadboy site.:-)
View all comments by MSB
Recently took my first trip over to Thailand - been an avid "lurker" on here since the trip was booked some months ago. Needless to say, I will be back.
On the subject of those sleazy upstairs bars……..after a day of chang drinking, we found ourselves in Patpong (despite my protestations and pleas towards Cowboy and Nana). If my memory serves me right, we hit safari, kings corner then kings castle 1. Upon leaving KC1, against all advice, we decided to listen to a tout (schoolboy error) and follow him (up some stairs to an unknown bar) for "good show, good show". If by good he meant overweight, scarred and generally washed up hags, he was spot on. Between us we had 3 beers, and seemed to be surrounded by around 6 "girls", all with shots of coke. After downing the beer, we got the bill. 500 Baht seemed a little steep but, as I was fully expecting to be seriously ripped off, thought it best to pay up and run. The Mamasan seemed to be trying to point something out on the bill. Being sure she just said 6,500 THB, I looked closer……..she'd written a dirty great 6 in front of the printed 500!
After a brief argument, I realised that my mates had taken the brave step of legging it, and leaving me surrounded! I calmly produced a 500 Note, walked towards the stairs with the scrum around me, thrust it into the mamasans hands and ran, fully expecting a chair leg round my head or indeed some type of flying muay thai kick.
Thankfully I made it outside and into the relative safety of Kings Castle 3, which seemed to be staffed largely, if not completely, by Ladyboys. Anyway, the night ended on a good note - a short time from Kings Castle 1, followed by a freelancer from Gullivers.
Gotta love Bangkok.
View all comments by Rajasiha
Miss Udon is either a Thai woman who lives near the border with Cambodia, and learned a few things off Pol Pot, or a some kiwi twat trying to plug the leaks in a failing website. I'm going with the latter!
View all comments by meister
@Rajasiha: If you can find out which bar scammed you, I'll mark it as a "known scam" on the Patpong map. I tend to avoid the upstairs bars for that reason. The Queen's Castle upstairs bars will not rip you off, but they do suck.
@meister: I believe Miss Udon is supposed to be an educated chick from Ubon who lives in Bangkok. Not a disciple of Pol Pot. SE Asia's version of Godwin's Law, anyone?
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Come on… got to be excusable when someone is approving of genital mulitation!
View all comments by meister