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| Pattaya gogo girls, yesterday |
Speaking of the loss of innocence, I was searching through some old articles the other day when I realised that I’d never managed to put into words the tale of my own first experience with a gogo girl.
It was in Pattaya, of all places, at The Sea A-Go-Go, on Soi Diamond, just off Walking Street. I’m not even sure if it exists any more.
Anyway, I’d had a few beers in a couple of beer bars, and found myself first in a bar full of some of the most attractive girls I’d seen in my life. One in particular stood out. Nuk. She was about twenty, gorgeous and topless, and I was drunk. What’s a guy to do?
Unfortunately, this was my first experience of Thailand’s naughty nightlife. You could say that she saw me coming. More to the point, you could say that I got fleeced.
Balls
First up, the ping pong balls. I hate those little round bastards. At the time, I had absolutely no idea what they were for. A waitress offered me a small bucket full of them for five hundred baht or so. I asked myself why on earth I would want a small bucket of ping pong balls. I didn’t know. I asked Nuk. She didn’t speak much English. I didn’t speak any Thai.
I bought the bucket of ping pong balls.
“Now what?”, I asked.
Nuk picked a ball out of the bucket, and threw it at the stage to demonstrate. One of the dancing girls caught it, and the rest of them clamoured for more. I still didn’t understand. I threw a couple more - two more grateful beaming dancers were the fortunate recipients. I was still trying to figure out what it meant. Maybe every girl who caught a ball was going to come over and make out with me or something.
I threw the rest of the balls. They were collected by the girls, and nothing further seemed to happen. A long time later, I figured out that the girls got half the value of every ball they handed in - I still don’t see the appeal to the customer.
As an aside, I have long had a couple of twin ambitions:
1. I want to buy a basket of ping-pong balls from a bar, and take them home. “No, I’m not throwing them for the girls. I bought them. They’re mine now. Now bring me a drink”.
2. I want to take this basket of ping-pong balls to an entirely different bar, and throw them at the stage. “They’re my balls. I’ll pick them up later. After you stop shouting, and bring me another drink”.
Anyway, back to the story…
With the help of an English-speaking girl, Nuk managed to explain that I had to pay her barfine if I wanted to take her out. I did so. She disappeared to get changed, and I had another beer.
Disco
Nuk told me we were going to a disco. Funny, I thought we were going to my hotel room. I let it slide, and we soon ended up in a huge dance hall. A table for Nuk and me, and a couple of drinks for the bar. And then a couple more drinks for Nuk’s friends, who seemed to have materialised out of thin air.
“My sisters”, she said, smiling sweetly.
Of course.
Another few rounds of beers (for me) and Bacardi Breezers (for the girls) later, I was extremely drunk, severely out of pocket, and ready to take my girl to bed. “You give her three thousand, ok?”, said the “sister”. I nodded, certain that she was giving me a discount after all the drinks I’d bought. Oops.
Bodily Fluids
To be fair, looking back, I hadn’t done that badly up until this point. Sure, I’d got fleeced, but show me a newbie who doesn’t get fleeced when he goes out alone.
We made it back to the hotel on a songthaew in one piece, after a quick stop at a 7-11 for condoms and snacks, and I even managed to find my room. Nuk flopped onto the bed, and started to devour the dried fish snacks she’d bought on the way home.
“You shower, ok?”, she said, her mouth full of reconstituted squid.
Cute.
I wandered into the shower, and felt a familiar pressure building inside me. And so I dried off, and sat on the very nice toilet for what I expected to be a quick pre-sex dump.
Squirt.
Squirt.
Squirt.
Plop.
Squirt.
Squirt.
Plop.
Ten minutes had now passed.
Squirt.
PARP!
PARP!
Squirt.
Twenty minutes.
PARP!
PAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRP!
That one felt like there was a trapped midget setting off an air horn somewhere in my lower intestine. I was fairly certain that this wasn’t the case, but made the mistake - in my state of drunken confusion, I hasten to add - of looking down into the toilet bowl.
DO NOT LOOK INTO THE TOILET BOWL.
“Nearly done”, I called, in what I hoped was a cheerful manner. There was no reply.
PARP!
I wiped. Then wiped again.
Squirt.
Then wiped again.
Squirt.
And again.
Then flushed. Twice.
And had another shower.
Thirty minutes had now passed, at least. I wrapped myself in a towel, and emerged into the bedroom. Nuk was crying. I don’t blame her.
“Ready! Do you want to shower now?”, I asked.
She nodded, through a veil of sniffles and tears, and disappeared into the bathroom. I’d sprayed some deodorant, but I don’t think it helped.
She eventually emerged into the bedroom, and vomited a whole packet of reconstituted squid into the bin. Perhaps fortunately, I was already asleep.
Beat that.
One for the team!
View all comments by The King of Old Siam
No interesting story to tell, and no barfine paid, but my first BKK bargirl was from New Wave on Soi 7. I landed around midnight, got some sleep at the hotel, went for a walk and hit New Wave because of the pool tables. Saw a little 38 kilo Thai girl with the face of an angel. We had sex that afternoon and a few hundred times since. On my second trip to Thailand, I lived at her apartment for three weeks, and she was my pretend-girlfriend. I haven't had sex with her for about 11 months now, but I still see her around town on the arms of punters.
My first actual barfine was Midnite Bar on Soi Cowboy.
View all comments by werewolf
thanks, that made my morning. i doubt many can beat that. at least you'll never forget your first barfine.
View all comments by lil leroy
but did the dirty deed eventually get done?
View all comments by lil leroy
True romance, Pattaya-style
View all comments by Mochalover
Funny newbie story. Did she heave because of the wafting aroma you left in the throne room, or was it too much bad squid? But then, you must not know because you were passed out and she left without you getting any, right? You pathetic sot!! Or did she pass out too, and you drilled her the next morning?
If you didn't get laid after all that, then the only thing to do is get philosophical (otherwise, it's too depressing, though funny in retrospect). Clearly, the Universe protected you from getting any of that poontang, which must have been severely tainted. By not getting any of the poisoned pussy, you survived, learned, thrived and grew into the cock-hound role model blogger you are today.
Saved by the squirts, thanks to the Hands of Fate….
Bully, cheers, and curious if you ever saw the skank again?
On a roughly similar thread, I once was denied sex in an Asian massage parlor (brothel) in Los Angeles. I had paid for the room, but the girl suspected I was 5-0, so she wouldn't take money for a Very Happy Full Service Ending. Or beginning. I was fully clothed, and simply trying to cut to the chase. I showed her my dick and told her exactly what I wanted, something the police can't do. That's entrapment.
Still no go (or blow). I got so upset, I demanded to see the manager, some slimey pimp papa-san. I walked around, waving my dick, trying to convince them this wasn't entrapment, that I just wanted suck-and-fuck from the girl and was willing to pay. OK, I'd a had a few beforehand, but I wasn't blotto, and to further prove I wasn't PD, I showed them the vial of cocaine I had in my pocket.
That went over real big. They kept my 40 bucks and I left, irritated and horny as hell.
I went to my regular hangout in Hollywood, sat at the bar, and started to complain that I couldn't get laid in a whorehouse. Another screenwriter was sitting at the bar, heard my story, and we started talking.
Long story short, he asks if I'm looking for a gig, I say yes, and the next day I'm hired to write a movie. And yes, that movie got made! I would never have met Tony at the bar in Ports that night, if the girl in the massage parlor had simply taken my money and fucked me.
View all comments by soi4rulz
hey i can now post from my phone. My life is thus complete! I hope you still paid her..
View all comments by MSB
Incredibly, she still stayed the night. I got some in the morning, she got paid (and tipped), and I filled the bin with tissues so that nobody found the vomit until after I'd checked out.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
My first night in Bangkok, a tuktuk-driver took me to a massage parlour, of course that time I didn't know that meant I had to pay extra. Anyway the girl was very eager to please me, when they rang a bell in the room, signalling that my time was up, she kept going at it. She didn't even stop when they came knocking at the door. When I finally came down, the place was closed and I got the evil eye from the cashier. Still, I don't regret a thing.
View all comments by hanuman
I thought the point of the ping pong balls was that the tarts catch them in their mini skirts and and you get a look at their twat? I never bought them myself but have seen a nice snatch from time to time because some nobpot has.
I've lived in bangkok for 2 years and never paid bar. I tend to do freelances, get numbers or say "meet me on street meat later, darling". I get cur price for sloppy seconds. First whore i did was from Nana carpark. I gave her 800 baht. She gave me the clap. I guess i got fleeced as well.
View all comments by pooper scooper
Hilarious. I haven't laughed so hard since Friday which, not coincidently, was when I boarded the plane in Phuket for the return trip home.
Nice to see that you have expanded your interests beyond toilets to include ping pong balls.
View all comments by Wombat
@ pooper i cant remember the last time i barfined (and got a dose after first freelancer too so a man close to my heart), call me a cheap bastard if u will but see barfining as an un-neccessary expense unless she blows my socks off - plus i dont like getting lumbered with a whore until end of the night (unless im just gonna pork her then head back out)making needless smalltalk, knowing she will laugh at my jokes no matter how shit they are as shes obliged too
i prefer RCA and Ratchada for with normal girls to pit my witts against and if all else fails, pick jup a street rat and take out my aggression
View all comments by Penfold
Literally: Oh shit. What a story.
Trying to figure out when I have bar fined someone first time…No kidding, I can't remember. It must have been sometime during my third trip to T-land, or fourth, probably fourth…Damn. I think I have to start making a diary after the fact now. I am losing the memory of what I have done on my trips.
View all comments by Jsil
Nice story. When I was a younger man and about to get a little action from an unfamiliar non-P4P girl in my homeland, I used to get "anxiety" dumps similar to what happened to you BBB. However, this sort of thing has never happened to me in Thailand P4P or non-P4P arena. Even, my first time.
But, in your case here, was it the new girl, the first time barfine, excessive alcohol, or street food that caused the rumbles to occur?
View all comments by Jackie Blue
I'm guessing it was a combination of the last two.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
First BF was a couple of Pattaya gogo faux lesbian starfish who took turns hiding in the toilet while the other half heartedly serviced me.
As medical incidents go there was the Camodian girl who came out in terrible all over hives after hungrily scarfing the remains of a seafood dinner she found in my room fridge. Little trojan that she was, she carried on as though nowt had happened. With the light out I couldn't see the red welts, but could still feel the lumps and hear the scratching. It kinda put me off my stroke.
View all comments by Combover
My first was a couple of very enthusiastic and convincing fake lesbos (they're all fake if they go wit choo) BF'd from, of all places, Big Dogs. Expensive, but worth it. I even had to push one of them off at one point. An absolutely mind- and body-blowing introduction to BKK. Since the, I've made up for that first triumph with more than a few fake-first-time disasters, but you move on, right? Even the worst you forget about the next day, which is more than you can say for getting married. And even the worst is still, well, more fun than an evening in a British theme pub with a curry wrap and a self-satisfied fake blonde who thinks a tongue stud is "edgy".
View all comments by Pants Elk
two purging episodes, great story, tuning here regularly now, enjoy the absense of ’shouting matches’has on the other forums
View all comments by don
i hate when you enquire about a 3some and they 'talk the talk' about being dirty lesbians, but when it comes to the crunch at most the clean your dick between sucks, and while your porking her mate, the other is texting someone other fucker (more then likely her thai BF)
can any1 advise of a comparible 'eden club' in p[attaya?
View all comments by Penfold
Hell Club & The Castle
View all comments by don
@don where are these places? (what soi)
hell club sounds like my type of place the name just evolks some sick sick which is my cup of tea
View all comments by Penfold
they have a website, same concept as Eden, Soi L.K. Metro
View all comments by don
beware little midget with air-horn
rules for barfining:
1. don’t drink - sex is better sober - drink AFTER you get laid
2. no disco stops - do that AFTER you get laid
3. no 7-11 stops - always have condoms - let her eat AFTER sex
if you let a BG lead she is going to take you for a ride
View all comments by whoa
@ Whoa…..
You could also add:
#4 - Never take her shopping! (That was my problem, the Central Lad Phrao mall. I spent more on the sexy undies than I did on the barfine and cost of the girl.)
View all comments by Ma
@Ma re underwear: my friend for the first night in BKK on my last trip somehow stumbled across and instantly appropriated a sexy pair of undies I had bought for my actual paramour. It was doubly embarrassing - I had to explain to her that the lacy thong was NOT mine (I did let her keep it though), and the next day I had to explain to the intended recipient that somehow I only brought her a sexy top, without bottoms
View all comments by Julian
it must have been the 2nd or 3rd barfine i had paid, yes she wanted a tequilla before leaving ,and then the usual streetfood, before heading back to my hotel room,after arriving i showered , she was not looking real good, a little green around the gills so to speak, she showered and just as she was about to jump in to the bed to play with junior she decided the time was right for a giant spew ,in almost one movement she swung around emptied herself on the wall and floor swung back around and said its ok i give you you blowjob now,, my reply was, no really it is ok it can wait. i made a decision that night,never buy them fucken tequilla.
View all comments by eloelo