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| A Patpong clip joint, yesterday |
Sometimes we make foolish decisions after a few beers. I generally avoid the upstairs Patpong bars like the plague - having visited Queen’s Castle 2 (awful) and Super Queen (even worse), I haven’t been in any hurry to check out the rest. If I want to see a freak show, I’ll pop into Soi Cowboy’s Long Gun bar.
Unfortunately, I was recently trawling the ‘pong with some visiting pals who wanted to see the “ping pong show”. A tout outside Super Pussy practically begged us to enter, and I foolishly figured it couldn’t be much worse than the alternatives.
Of course, he wanted us to pay ฿100 each to go inside. I should have walked there and then. Indeed, I told him we’d go to Queen’s Castle 2 instead as it’s free entry. He backed down, and said we could enter for free as long as we bought some beers, for ฿100 each. That’s a pretty standard Patpong beer price, so I agreed.
We walked up the stairs to be met by a stageful of the usual sad-looking fat, ugly and scarred bargirls who end up working at the Patpong “show bars”. Not impressed. Still, my buddies wanted to see the ping pong. So we ordered beers and sat back to watch the gynaecological exploits taking place on stage.
And then the bill came. That’ll be ฿300 per beer please, she said with an unpleasant smirk. I laughed, and told her in no uncertain terms that we would not be paying any more than the quoted price of ฿100 per beer.
Smiling, she whipped out a small piece of laminated paper which read “1 beer = 300 baht”. Smiling, I told her where she could stick it. Speaking Thai really can be both a blessing and a curse.
Anyway, to cut a long story short we were told that we could pay ฿100 per beer if we left immediately. We did so.
Avoid this place like the plague.
I like how you handled that with the swearing and such
View all comments by BassFace
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I like how you handled that — direct, clear, to the point.
Apparently, your retreat was quick and neat, without making a problem for either side.
Your comments on these topics are very helpful.
Thanks for writing and posting as you do.
View all comments by Replyman
Yeah, my buddies, FOBs to a man, wanted to raise merry hell. I was fortunately able to convince them otherwise. It wouldn’t have helped.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
I’ve always held that the best thing about those second floor bars is when you actually get to heave those little buggers down the stairs.
True, they get down there first, that way, but they’re flat on their arses and too stunned and shocked to”re-deploy” and block the exit.
If you’re quick instead of stepping over them the way out you can jump on their little arms with both feet.
But after that, getting out of the Pong itself is another matter
Hope this has helped.
View all comments by Prufrock
In all my visits to Bangkok I’ve never actually been to Patpong. Among sexpats the view seems pretty unanimous. Scams aside I’ve never seen the appeal of, skanky or otherwise, women shooting ping-pong balls or pulling razors out of their minges.
View all comments by meister
Some of the ground floor bars are worth a visit. Patpong’s also home to the greatest BJ bar in the universe. But yes, the show bars suck.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
What’s a minge?
View all comments by Prufrock
A: Their minges
Q: What do over-weight and over-the-hill bargirls launch ping pong balls out of?
View all comments by The Heckler
Dunno, Heckler.
Is it anything like that Rhodium plated late-nite-TV bingo-ball cage with the sliver loop at the end of the little chute that stops the balls from falling onto the floor?
Is bingo illegal in Thailand?
Are Thai bowling alley girls any skinnier than the bingo girls?
In my State they’re fatter but they come with free Twinkies.
What do THEY shoot out of their chutes?
Wizard durian show on Sukhumvit 13 at around 4:00 am BTW. Before 2 they peel them after two anything goes and the place is crawling with Deiters, Manfreds and penniless Yoshis at the end of their vacation budgets.
View all comments by Prufrock
Google Define: minge
View all comments by meister
Opps, sorry, messed up the formatting there!
[Fixed it for you --BBB]
View all comments by meister
A bouncer tried to block the door when my mate and I refused to pay for the “entertainment” not listed on the menu. Needles to say we only paid 100 baht for the beer and brushed the lout aside as we exited never to return again.
The venues at street level in Patpong can be fun though, especially the King’s Group bars.
As for slang terms for a female’s reproductive organs the link is:
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Wikisaurus:female_genitalia
My favourite is “fish taco”.
View all comments by kwai mai sabai
For those who are compelled to pay over the odds and who do not fancy fighting their way out, a visit to the tourist police booth at the Surawong end of Patpong is worth a try. They have been known to accompany you back to the offending bar and extract refunds.
View all comments by Guy Dow
The general advice must be to avoid those places! They have become gradually worse over the years, and by now you can be certain that you’ll have some unpleasant experience. The tourist police may be useful in cases like this, but who would be in the mood to deal with the police on occasions like this?
View all comments by Carl Jacobson
All good points. “Fish taco”, priceless.
I’ve never dealt with the tourist police myself - hopefully I’ll never have to. But I’ve heard very conflicting tales of how useful they can be. Anyone ever dealt with them?
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Jeez, my first time back in ‘91 the travel guides were advising not to go to these upstairs places. Didn’t appeal then and it doesn’t now to be honest.
That said, I did find myself in one a few months back with a large group of mates and their mums (believe it or not). The showgirls were certainly scary, but we weren’t ripped off in the slightest, other than the hats going round for tips rather too often. That said, if I was a fifty year old mother of five pulling goldfish out of my fanny in front of thirty strangers, I’d reckon I’d earned those.
View all comments by Combover
‘minge’ = yoyo smuggler
Geez I thought a Canadian editor knew all the slang.
View all comments by Ma
I’m amazed that place is still in business after all this time. I had the exact same experience 3 years ago at that place. There must be enough tourists that fall for this so they remain in business.
In January 2004 I went to SuperPussy with 3 friends. We sat down near the stage and ordered some beers. The girls on stage were just standing and talking to each other. They looked like dirty, unkept, overweight grandmothers. We get our beer and are immediately surrounded by a team of abnoxious girls. They are yelling and waving a pink laminated card that read: “1 beer = 300THB”. We told them 100THB. They insisted on 300THB. We gave them 100THB per drink and got up to leave. My friends are quite large (and very pissed at this point) so we all agreed we weren’t going to stop for any reason until we were on the street. We walked down the stairs in unison and everyone, including new customers walking up the stairs, parted for us like the Red Sea.
None of us have never been back to Patpong since. Sure there might be a few fun bars in the area, but the number of these rip-off places and all the aggressive touts in the street ruin the mood.
View all comments by DejaVu
i have never ventured into the upstairs bars because of stories i heard from a mate who visited before me
incidentally i was walking past here 1 night and 4 young lads came out of there fuming. apparently they ordered 4 beers and the bill came to 4000baht!!!! as it was there first time and upon asking they were all only 19) they paid up begrudgingly and one of them even got punched for his troubles, so the bar turned over 4000baht for 5 minutes work!!!
View all comments by Penfold
Boycott Super Pussy?
View all comments by SmartyAnimal