Finishing off the “revisited” trilogy of farang gogo bar areas comes Patpong. Love it or hate it, everyone seems to have an opinion. The home of Bangkok’s first gogo bars, Patpong has gained international notoriety over the past forty years or so as one of the sleaziest nightlife areas on Earth.
Sadly, it’s now a pitiful shadow of its former self. One year ago, in a decision I now slightly regret, I was put off after just a couple of visits, and vowed not to waste any more time on such an irritating place. I actually didn’t intend to cover it at all on this website. Even now, it only gets a cursory mention. Why?
Touts. And market stalls. And taxi drivers who refuse to use their meters. And tuk-tuks. And pretty much everyone else to be found in the area. Pushy, greedy, rude, irritating arseholes. Thanks to them, a stroll down Patpong is something I approach with a heavy heart indeed, because I know somebody is going to irritate the hell out of me.
Add to this the largest concentration of utterly woeful bars in Bangkok, if not the world, and you end up with a nightlife area whose very mention elicits groans from an alarmingly high number of people.
But, to be fair, it’s not all bad.
The Star of Light on Patpong 2 offers the most skillful, accomodating speciality service providers in Bangkok. For the less exhibitionistic punter, nearby Lolita’s offers a more secluded alternative. Electric Blue has a lot of greedy service staff and some aging girls, but stunners can be found in there if you have the patience.
There are three very similar and pretty decent gogo bars on Patpong 1 - King’s Castle 1, King’s Castle 2 and Camelot Castle. All feature rather more attractive girls than you’re likely to find anywhere else on the soi.
Others prefer the laid-back 1980s time warp of Safari, and whilst I’ve never seen anything I liked the look of, Thigh Bar also has its fans. And if you fancy a pizza, you can’t go wrong in the Madrid bar.
These bars haven’t changed much in the past year, as far as I can see. Madrid bar hasn’t changed in decades. Patpong remains the cheapest of the three main gogo areas to drink, with gogo bars generally offering bottled beer at ฿100, and some at as little as ฿60. But if anything, the hassle merchants have got worse.
No, I do not want a sexy lady, or a massage, or an overpriced t-shirt, or a rolex that’s going to fall apart within a week, or a ฿300 taxi to Nana, or anything else that I can get cheaper elsewhere, thanks. A friend taught me to say “don’t f*cking touch me” in Thai last time I was there. Very useful indeed.
Worth a visit if you can stomach the hassle, and know exactly where you’re going. An exploratory bar-crawl is a very, very bad idea. The bars not mentioned, especially those above the ground floor, are generally amongst the worst hell-holes in Bangkok. Especially Super Queen.
Quite, these days I only go there if a visitor to Fun City insists.
Earlier this year two of us visited Queens Castle 2. Show was OK and we found a couple of good looking girls. Mine was a first rate shag and my mate was sufficiently pleased with his that he went back a couple of days later for seconds. Paid B1500 for short time, comparable girls would have been B2000 in Nana.
But this was one bright spot in an otherwise grim experience. The place really is a waste of time.
View all comments by Guy Dow
Great post. Agreed. Patpong is a dump. Destroyed over the years by the Kings group monopoly that own many of the bars and hotels. I just can’t believe that tourists still flock to this place. Somebody needs to update Lonely Planet. Nothing but hungry lions looking for weak prey.
Safari and the BJ bars (Kangaroo is also a local fav) I agree are very cool. Also, there is an After Hours scene. Patpong I has a hip hop and house place next door that goes until 3am. There is also a club called After across from Foodland on PatpongII, 4th floor. It’s very new and the crowd blows so far but has possibilities. Also, some of the beer bars on Patpong II go all night.
View all comments by pmmp
I think Patpong is fabulous. Nestling in a leafy bower just yards away from Bangkok’s busy Silom Road, Patpong seduces the footweary traveller with limpid pools, warmed by tropical breezes and shaded by lush foliage, where dusky nymphs disport themselves in naked innocence. Here, one may dally with a cooling glass of ambrosial nectar while one doe-eyed beauty strokes the silver-stringed lute, and another fans the heated brow with feathers of the bird of paradise. Here, time seems to have stopped, and Old Siam lives again. Plus, there’s ping-pong shows and overweight farangs striking “cunning bargains” with market traders that earn them respect as seasoned travellers.
View all comments by Pants Elk
@Guy: Cute girls (and even bargains) can indeed be found anywhere. Still a pain though.
@pmmp: I didn’t mention any of the other BJ bars (Kangaroo, Rose, etc) because SoL and Lolitas are infinitely superior. Same for the after-hours scene - “After” can’t compete with the Sukhumvit venues.
@Pants: Keep taking the pills.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Well, from my present perspective all of Bangkok seems like an opium dream. Here in Paris, every smile is returned with a scowl, everyone wears black, everyone pushes on public transport, the streets are full of drunks and dogshit, nothing works, everything costs a zillion times more, and the sheer stressed-out in-it-for-me French attitude is like a cold, bitter fog.
Why are these people so fucking miserable? They have one of the most beautiful cities in the world to live in. Bangkok I rate as one of the most magnificently ugly cities I know, yet the people are just total sweethearts (for the most part) (and certainly in comparison).
Et voilà . J’en ai marre dèja des putain francais, je les emmerde …. (contd.p94)
View all comments by Pants Elk
I wonder if in some way, those of us punters who enjoy the ‘red-light’ districts in Thailand don’t owe some homage to the old Patpong. Sorry to say I never made it in to Lucy’s Tiger Den before it went out in the 80s. Is the current Madrid the same one from the 70s? If only the walls had ears, considering who was hanging there then. And I’m not talking about the quality of the bargirls.
Don’t look for Lonely Planet to drop Patpong anytime soon. Sucky though it has become (rock on, Star of Light!), it’s a cultural icon, a must-see for the first-time visitor, like seeing the Khan-el-kalili souk in Cairo, the Gateway arch in St. Louis, Copacabana Beach in Rio (give me Leblon). So thanks for the update, BKBB.
Re: The Star of Light: had two sisters at the bar in Apocalypse Now in PP (no relation to the one in Saigon). While the twins were taking care of me, I reached over and fondled and kissed the cute bartendress. A foursome at the bar. Outstanding! The place was so dark, not sure anyone noticed. The French owner was on the couch drunk and otherwise engaged.
Anyway, the R&R days, to which we owe so much, still visit us. Ever been on the beach at Patong when the US Navy puts in? Within three hours there will be 1500 hookers on the streets who weren’t there before. All these part-timers jump on their motos and putter in from all points in the south. I like it because the energy level amps up and there is a much better selection of girls to choose from in the beer bars.
View all comments by soi4rulz
@Pants: Everything’s relative, I guess. I’m sure you’d rather be in Patpong than Paris, but wouldn’t Bangkok’s busy Soi Cowboy’s busy Baccara be even better? Sorry, not trying to rub it in!
@soi4rulz: The current Madrid is indeed the same one from the ’70s. ’60s, too, I believe. Some of the original staff are even still present, by the looks of it!
Is “PP” Phnom Penh? Didn’t see anywhere called “Apocalypse Now”. Sharky’s and Martini’s were good value, though. 5 girls in three nights. I must write that tale up at some point…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Having never been to Safari, I decided to get a look last night. A friend and I went in and watched tall lovely Thai girls dancing to 30 year old music. It definitely has a certain vibe that feels right.
My friend called it an early night and went home. I moved on to Star of Light and had a two-girl blowjob on the bench to take the edge off. Slipped into Electric Blue to look at the talent; considered taking a tall slender lass, but decided to return to Safari instead.
The ceiling over the back stage is only about 6 feet high. Most of the girls are dancing in 3-inch heels and have plenty of head room. One girl, however, was in flat sandals, and had only about an inch to spare. She must have been about 5′10″ and definitely no lady boy. I bought her a drink, but I wasn’t feeling it, so I switched girls. I paid the bar fine (not cheap at 700 baht) and took her to the room for shower & boom boom. Definitely good value. I’ll be back.
View all comments by werewolf
Yes, I mean Phnom Penh. The bar is on Rue 282, not far from Lucky Market, which is the high-end supermarket frequented by ex-pats and rich khmers. Good quality at Martinis, never been disappointed there.
Sharkys can be hit or miss in terms of real stunners, but is always fun. I pulled a waitress out of there one night and took her to my hotel. She was new to the profession and demonstrated that by crying after we did the deed.
Never should have taken her to my hotel though, as it was 95% female staffed, and several of them had eyes for me. After I moved into an apartment, I selected the cutest girl for a short-time gf.
BKBB, please do write up your Cambodia stories for us.
View all comments by soi4rulz
I know this is off topic, but are any dance clubs worth checking out (Astra, RCA, Th Khoa San)?
View all comments by Greg Ginn
your right the pong is a dive, although im a fan of twilo…. cant remember which soi its on but its the open air club
how you say 'dont fucking touch me' in thai?
View all comments by Stevie G
Having read many positive comments about Madrid Pizza on this site and others, I decided to have dinner there tonight.
The pizza had a dry cardboard crust, tasteless sauce, and was barely warm when it landed on the table. I went with a friend and they screwed up his pizza order, in spite of him reviewing it with the waitress two times. He ended up just watching me eat.
It was my first, and definitely my LAST visit to Madrid Pizza in Patpong.
The phrase, "shit on a shingle" comes to mind.
View all comments by werewolf
@werewolf: Ouch. I believe Pants Elk had a bad pizza there on his first visit, and vowed never to return. In fact, here's his comment.
I insisted that he give them another chance, and I believe he's very grateful that I did. Dined with him in Madrid a few nights ago in fact, and it was terrific.
I've eaten there loads of times without any problems, but that's two bad reports now. I guess they do have off-days…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
i 2nd, that iv eonly ever been twice and the pizza was awesome
it came in at about 600baht (£9) for pizza including about 4/5 big changs and it pisses all over the pizza at the 'swanky' pizza place in my town that weighed in at about £50 for a pizza and equivalent amount of beer
every place can have there bad day but when dealing with restuarants, 1bad experience is 1 too many and will rarely ever get a second shot
View all comments by Penfold
Now this is all good info for a punter that as never been to Patpong. Thanks! Will be going there my next trip to BKK in Feb 08 (SOL of course) and this will save me a lot of trouble when i do a walk around.
View all comments by JRO IRQBKK