The FARANG Speaks 2 Much (tfs2m)

Sometimes I think I am living in a movie but I know that it is just the way Bangkok feels sometimes - let me explain. Sunday was visa run day. I hate visa runs since they amount to a colossal waste of time. My current trend with visa runs is to go out the night before, short-time, and get home just in time to shower and get to the bus. This way by the time I get to the bus I am exhausted, sleep until I get to the border, zombie my way through the visa crap and then drag myself back on the bus. Usually it works but thanks to the mini-van and Mario my plans were destroyed.

First. The night before. I hooked up with folks at the Mango and we made plans to meet people at Tequila Dragon. We did not want to go far and decided that with the Dragon no longer charging cover that it might get an okay crowd on a Saturday night. We got there around 2 Am and things were hopping. Not full, not desolate - almost just right. Within moments of getting our drinks, girls were circling our table like sharks looking for their next meal. I love it. During this time a few of us split off and I waited with the leader of the boy bands for large aussie to join us. I was already getting felt up by a small, not amazingly hot, girl with huge boobs and her slimmer friend with a gorgeous face. I was thinking 3some but first I needed to text aussie boy to make sure he was on the way.

My SMS: U on the way?

His reply SMS: Who the fuck is this?

My reply to his reply: This is smitty.

His reply to my reply: I don’t know Smitty bitch.

Cool. Glad we cleared that up. He did show up about 45 minutes later. Which by this time I had decided that the 2 girls were too jealous of each other to properly deliver a high-caliber 3 some and focused on the cuter one. She was 19 and made all the right moves. Partied a bit more and then headed for the Penthouse - my short time hotel of choice. Discreet, porn on the TV, in-room service and reasonable rates. I do wish they would remodel all the bathrooms though.

I count myself as an experienced puller in Thailand and usually, as mentioned before, I will sometimes pay a bar and not shag if it just does not feel like it will be a good experience. Just chalking one up as another shag is not my goal. I want a memorable experience. Being in the after-hours joint meant there was no barfine and I had negotiated a decent rate. So off we went.

She took her shower first, was not into the dual-shower which was the first let down, then settled into the bed and watched the porn. Which she said she liked. Good sign. I took a shower and came out to find her asleep. I restarted the porn and woke her up. She was startled and and was wondering why I took so long to shower and was swearing that she had not fallen asleep. After getting her fully awake I started focusing on the porn while she focused on my unit. The BJ was close to terrible. Then we moved into the sex. She had a killer body but basically star-fished. We tried a couple of positions and it was all terrible. At this point I wanted out. I just did not see the purpose of trying to continue such a dull experience. So I flipped her over and said I wanted a decent handjob but I also told her how much I was paying for it. She managed to accomplish the task and did not gripe about the reduced settlement. She even asked me to come see her at her bar. Yeah. Right. In my next life.

I must say I was bummed about the horrible pull and it reminded me why I like going to places like Tulip since I know what I am getting. This is why having regulars or pinch-hitters is always a good routine to have in Bangkok since no matter what the goods look like they may not be what u expect when u get them home. False advertising is rampant. Back on the horse.

I got home with enough time to pack some shite, take a shower and head over to Soi 12 to get the visa-run hell bus. The only good thing I can say about this location though is that it is close to the new Sunrise Tacos. Which at 6:30 in the morning was open. I ordered 3 carnitas and 3 chicken soft tacos. I needed some for the road and on the way back since I don’t eat the visa run buffet. Check out the taco place if u are looking for decent mexican in Bkk - unlike the other joints u don’t have to take out a small business loan prior to indulging.

For some reason my normal visa run company was a total letdown. First off they had some lame excuse as to why they could not take the bus and had to ferry us to the border in mini vans. Some people like the mini-vans but I hate them. No pirated movies to watch, no drinks, no bathrooms and the chairs are almost impossible to sleep in. Remember, I stayed out all night, I needed the large tour bus, the layback seats and a blanket. I had brought my pillow with me.

Being stuck with the mini-van there was not much I could do but try and sleep. I did end up with a reclining seat and the window so I did the best I could and started to get some zzz’s. The first thing that woke me was the guy in front of me listening to his nano on the highest possible setting with some seriously bad drum and bass. I hate drum and bass and was starting to feel like I could kill someone. I did not surprise me later when conversing with said dude that he always replied with - what? Like he could not hear or something. Go figure. The second time I had woken up cause the dude sitting behind me suddenly landed on the floor next to me as the van came screeching to a halt when it almost hit another car. Basically a near-miss accident. I was furious since I had asked the driver earlier to slow it down a bit since he was driving like a maniac.

We finally arrived to the border crossing where it was pissing down rain and we had to float through the mud to the casino to wait out our Cambodian stamps. The return trip was just as evil. I have since emailed the visa run company to complain about the mini-vans and the driver. I did not mention the rain and mud. Said visa company has already emailed me back and so far the replies have been refreshing. My last complaint was that after barely getting back to Bangkok in one piece the driver proceeded to hound everyone for tips.

Monday seemed like a far mellower day and I decided to try out some new Lebanese food on Suk Soi 5. After eating some awesome food I emerged and was standing at the mouth of Suk and Soi 5 - u know the spot. Then I heard some Farang guy yelling at someone in Thai while he was running down the street. He was directly opposite Soi 5 on Sukhumvit - near the Subway/Coffe World. Like a train wreck I could not look away and quickly ran over to the other side of the street to see the commotion. I just had to. I got there in time to see a Thai guy holding a small boy by his arm and basically dragging another small girl by her hair. It was an awful sight. The large, angry Farang guy grabbed the Thai guy and told him to let go of the kids. The Thai guy told him to stay out of it. In general I would agree but anytime kids are getting abused I think someone has to step in. Someone else was already getting the police but unless there is money involved the police are slow to respond. I don’t say this to be derogatory but it is true. We once called them to help get a crazy dude out of Nana who was throwing chairs at people and it took them 15 minutes.

The Thai guy would not let go of the kids so the Farang set his stuff down and proceeded to pull the kids away from the Thai guy. Still no police. The small girl was crying and the little boy tried to run away. The Thai guy grabbed the little girl and started running. The Farang guy pulled her away and proceeded to kick the shit out the Thai guy. A couple of punches to the face and it was over. By the time it ended the police had shown up and let the Farang explain himself. He spoke good Thai and explained he worked with the tourist police. He even had some sort of ID for it.

It was tough to really assess it all but it looked like the Thai guy was one of the people who keep the little kids working on the street. A lot of the kids begging, selling flowers on the street are made to do so by older adults who make a lot of money off the kids. Clearly this guy manhandled the children regularly. I never like seeing anyone beat up but usually you end up seeing Farangs unfairly taking it so it was nice to see someone giving back so to speak. The Farang guy was pretty big but still I would worry about some retaliation but he said he was off to the airport anyway. I was happy to see the kids come out of it alright but I am sure there are not many people to help them get out of the situation they are in.

USF over I went to the gym. The problem with my gym though is that after hitting it I usually walk home. My gym is next to cowboy. Buck teeth had texted me so I went to meet him for a few before going home. Country road was dead so we moved to Rawhide. The B team was on and naked and I saw the new perfect tit girl. Then we went to Dollhouse. Y? Well the ex-mango cashier is at Dollhouse now and we wanted to see the outfit. Short skirt, no undies and no top. I am still recovering. After DH we went to Baccarat. Good stuff but seemed kind of dead. Then we hit Cowboy 2 cause my buddy had mentioned seeing a new service girl there he thought was cute.

Cowboy 2 is one of those places that could close and u would forget in less than a week it was ever there. There is no A or B team. It is all a D team with one of the bar girls from hell leading the pack. She must be 35, distended belly, no boobs and a terribly shrill voice. I wanted to die. We found the service girl. She says she is 18 but my guess is 17. Her english is amazing but she is very shy but very cute. The big fat, too talkative mamasan came over to sit with us and basically acted like her sales agent. My guess is she is a virgin and the bar is shopping her around to the highest bidder. Yes - that stuff still goes on in Bangkok and I am not a fan. I was offered someone’s sister one time and the whole idea of breaking in a virgin was just too weird for me. However the Japanese are all over it and pay big bucks for it.

Movie script over. Back to reality. A lot of hotties at the gym on Silom.