Soi 33 came up again in a recent discussion, and I have finally relented and decided to grant this area its own page. Of course, I couldn’t write about it without a fresh experience in my mind, so a visit was in order.
As we rounded the corner onto Soi 33 itself, my plan was simply to enter the first bar that seemed appealing. If the door of a bar was flanked by hideous monsters, for example, I would move onto the next one. This seemed a good plan, and was working well until I realised that I’d reached the end of the Soi without entering a single bar.
Monet
A swift u-turn was in order, and with a grimace, my pals and I entered a bar called Monet. It was five minutes to 9pm. Happy hour ends at 9pm on Soi 33. “Five to nine - still happy hour, ok?”, I smiled at the door girl.
“No, happy hour finitt already”.
“It’s five to nine”.
“Happy hour finitt already”.
“Okay, thanks, bye”.
Goya
We wandered along to Goya - a small bar, entirely devoid of customers. The grinning mamasan indicated that yes, of course it was still happy hour, and we drank heartily. There were maybe five or six hostesses here. One of them had some kind of deformed mouth, which made communication a little tricky, and left me rather disinclined to take her home. The rest of the girls were tired-looking older Issan girls, of the calibre that can regularly be seen performing a forlorn chrome-pole shuffle at 2am, un-barfined as the gogo bar closes for the night.
A friendly enough bunch, but I wouldn’t want to wake up next to any of them. Beer is ฿80 before 9pm (฿150 after), which is the only positive here. But beers at Gullivers or the Beer Garden are cheaper still, with no barfine and much more attractive girls.
Gauguin
On then to Gauguin, the least pronouncable bar on the soi (discounting those Japanese bars that have started to pop up). Owned by the same folks as Goya, offering beer at the same prices, and featuring some ridiculously irritating rotating lights on the ceiling, dazzling drinkers at regular intervals. This bar also had some other customers - a few Japanese guys, winding down.
One highlight - the barmaid asking me, completely straight-faced, “aow condom mai?” - in English, “do you want a condom?”.
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“aow condom mai?”
“Er…”
And then I remembered that those polystyrene/plastic beer holsters are also known, informally, as “condoms”. Never mind…
Degas
Beer a little cheaper in here - ฿120 a bottle, which is indeed cheaper than most bars in Nana or Cowboy. No customers though. Odd. The girls still weren’t much cop though, and the incessant begging for drinks soon began to grate. We moved on to…
Renoir
Ooh, a big bar. With customers and everything. They’re obviously doing something right, but we couldn’t figure out what it was. The mamasan had an air of haughty righteousness, the girls were all well-past their sell-by date, and the complimentary peanuts tasted like ass.
Dali
We crossed the street and wandered into Dali, and were met by more of the same has-been whores and overpriced drinks, and thought “forget it, we’ve seen enough”.
Okay, so Degas in particular was cheaper than I’d expected. But I didn’t see a single girl I would want to take home, even for free. Sorry guys, but even with the towels and free nuts, Soi 33 sucks.
A short walk later, I was supping beers in Soi Cowboy, where the Dollhouse was celebrating its fifth birthday with a free buffet, which I must have missed had hung a “Birthday Party” banner outside a day early (thanks Doug). Plenty of punters, and plenty of average-looking bored girls. I just never got the appeal of this place.
One for the road in the far more pleasant confines of Sheba’s, and time to call it a night.
So, tell us BBB, how do you know what poop tastes like? Kiss a girl after breaking the cardinal rule of never going ass to mouth? Tssk tssk.
But I agree, the free towels did little else but help mask the tears I uncontrollably shed after my own loathesome experience in Soi 33.
View all comments by Jim Anchower
I said tasted they like ass, not poop. There’s a world of difference, my friend.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
You went to the wrong bars, Dudes.
The Garfunkel, the Kostabe and the Basquiat are usually well-staffed with “diamonds in the rough” after 12:30.
View all comments by Prufrock
BBB, I think you’re avoiding the question. How do you know what ass tastes like, then?
View all comments by Pants Elk
Also, how do you know there’s a world of difference between what ass and poop taste like if, as you imply, you’ve never tasted poop?
View all comments by Pants Elk
Edifying.
I suppose this fascinating new line of inquiry will eventually lead us to the realization that Pants, engrossed in the life, newly full, to which he’s alluded on several boards HAS found substitute activities to replace the mundane posting at length that so bores him. (Or whatever it does.)
As the rabble hollers and yells and argues about jihadis, insurgent activities, and the nifty run-up to a “tactical” nuke strike on Iran it’s time to take a cue from our elegant betters.
Perhaps someone on this board would like to actually tell us what shit tastes like.
Wouldn’t that be swell?
View all comments by Prufrock
Ass just tastes like skin - when it’s clean. Yum. Poop… doesn’t (allegedly). Yuck.
This is why they shower first. And why it’s a good idea to join her in there, and give it a good scrubbing out to make sure.
Just doing my bit for Bangkok hygiene…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Well, that’s *that* cleared up then. And Prufers … if you want to start a long, densely-argued discussion in the comment section of a Bangkok blog, about long, densely-argued discussions in the comments sections of Bangkok blogs, let’s take it over to Mango Souse where it (sadly) belongs. In the mean time, let me offer you one of these Takabb Anti-Cough Pills …
View all comments by Pants Elk
I’ll pass.
Bye
View all comments by Prufrock
Wandered into the pool bar on 33 last week (I think it was ‘Dali’ but not sure). The two of us were the only customers. I walked to the pool table and grabbed a cue. The waitress came up and informed us it was 40 baht a game. A moment later the bar once again had no customers and I headed to Rolling Stone on Soi 20 where the beer is 55 baht the pool is 20 baht, and a basket of popcorn is free (plus the 10% service charge added to every bill).
View all comments by werewolf
Totally agree with your Soi 33 rant.
Slightly wrong about Dollhouse Agogo Anniversary Party.
You were a little bit early (16 hours) - not normal for English or Thai people.
See my blog at: http://thai-100.com/blogs/?p=26
View all comments by Durian Doug
Perhaps they shouldn’t have hung the “Birthday Party Tonight!” (or whatever) banner outside a day early…
Oh well - next year…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Or maybe hung it outside a week early so some more of us knew about it…
View all comments by Cabby
The Buffet at the Dollshouse was very good, not as good as the Buffet I bar fined from Rawhide later in the evening
View all comments by Sheperd
On Soi 33 you should have tried Wall Street. Drinks are fair prices, girls are young, pretty and not too agressive, - unless you ask… peanuts are fresh and there are always a few local farangs drinking there who are up for a friendly chat….
View all comments by Racer
I was warned off Wall Street by a mate who got ripped off there - he suffered some ridiculous bill padding a while back.
Have they stopped doing that now? I may check it out, but I still maintain that the long hike to soi 33 really isn't worthwhile unless you're a Japanese man in need of a specialist massage.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Mojos..Soi 33 is the best of the lot. Great band..good coyote dancers..not cheap, but a good time.
View all comments by Indu WangZi