The FARANG Speaks 2 Much (tfs2m)

The filming of "Big Hit in Bangkok" starring Nicolas Cage was the talk
this past week. Well, there is also that evil jackass Karr dude that I
don’t want to waste 1’s and 0’s on. Big Hit is a remake of Danny and
Oxide Pang’s 1999 gangster thriller "Bangkok Dangerous" and is being
shot entirely in Thailand. They have so far filmed at two local
nightlife spots that I know of. Soi Cowboy’s Long Gun go-go was chosen
for the first shoot. Withces Tavern on Thong Lo was the second. I
happen to be at Witches Tavern for a friends birthday that night and
caught a glimpse of the shooting. Nicolas Cage is one scary looking
dude. He did the same scene over and over…look at his watch, eat
something, and then look around suspiciously. He was like a robot and
performed the same tasks about thirty times. I also barely recognized
him. His latest weave is jet black, his skin is ghost pale and his eyes
were hauntingly light blue. The accompanying cast though consisted of
some hip new Hollywood actors which should give the film an edge that Cage might not be able to.

This week:

Bangkok Bar/Go-Go Update
After Hours Update (Petchaburi featured)
They Say It’s Your Birthday
Beware or Be Taken
Tales From The Street
Big Mango Bar Update

Bangkok Bar/Go-Go Update
I didn’t get out much last week but do have a few things. First off there was quite an interesting fight in NEP. Two HUGE and very drunk Farangs squared off. Not sure why but they went at it albeit in slow motion since they were so big and drunk. I went downstairs and got a front row seat. It was a pretty fair fight and then they both withered and got tired. This is when some weasel of a Thai guy pushed one of the giants into the other which set them off again. This enraged me and I almost went after the Thai guy but an inner voice told me it’s not worth it. Either of the giants would have crushed this skinny coward but were too involved with each other. Well, the fight got nasty at that point and one guy finally got knocked out with a ferocious blow to the head. Could have killed him. All the time there were no Police to be found. This guy could have died and it could have all been avoided. Police presence or no push from the Thai coward. All in all I was disgusted. The Thai’s love when Farangs fight each other and the bloodier the better. I hate seeing this side of them. Anyway, while the one Farang was down and out the other giant went in for one more blow. This is when one of the older Thai Security guys and yours truly blocked him off. Luckily he didn’t pursue. He was twice my size. Still no Police. I went up to the bar and brought the guy some water as he gradually gained consciousness. Nobody else did a damn thing. Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles. When I see this type of behavior it really makes me wonder what is behind those smiles. BTW, I will have a full NEP and Soi Cowboy update next week.

After Hours Update (Petchaburi featured)
The scene is the worse it has been in a while. I attribute this all to terrible management. There is not a single decent venue at this moment open after 2:00am. Soi 1 Josephine’s never recovered after greedily raising their prices and cover charge. Soi 4 Sin Club is a drunken farang mess with the guys outnumbering the girls. Soi 5 Sanook Bar was packing them in until they decided to keep one Pool table going late and have ugly fat girls dancing coyote on their covered Pool tables. Soi 7/1 Tequila Dragon was coming on strong until they started a cover charge. Boss Bar by Big C is a crowded pit of drunk farangs and less than stellar freelancing talent. Soi 11 is a crowded pit of druggies and questionable mixed drinks. With all this happening I was forced to check out some new venues:
- Siam Cafe on Petchaburi Rd.
Rumors of this cafe swirl through the Farang Punter Society circles like wildfire. A coffee shop in the Siam Hotel where many young beautiful Thai girls hang out, some University students, that are looking to hook up with guys. Yes, they are looking to make some extra cash but it’s still an intriguing alternative to the known universe of pay-for-play venues. Every once in a while I would meet Punters who have been there but the stories are always different so I wasn’t sure what to believe. Well, this past week I received a late SMS from a friend of mine who happen to be sitting down for a bite to eat at the Siam Cafe. Withered and beaten down by what was happening to the late night scene locally I quickly jumped in a cab around 2:30am to meet up with him (it’s only a 10 minute cab ride from Suk Soi 4).
As I walked into the Cafe all eyes hit me. Probably because I am a ghostly looking bald Farang and there were nothing but Thai people in the Cafe, about 100 or so. My buddy who is Thai came over to greet me and we sat at his table in the middle of the restaurant. They serve food all night which my friend said is very good, and serve alcohol. I ordered a Vodka/Coke and picked my friend’s brain about the scene here. The cafe has about twenty tables and booths. Most of tables are either all guys or all girls. Men try to make eye contact and if they do they then invite the girl over for some conversation/negotiation. If all goes well they are off. Simple as that unless you don’t speak Thai of course.
The girls in the cafe are apparently a bit higher class than the average streetwalker as they need a bit of cash to hang in the cafe. They are also Bangkok Thai and not from Isaan like the majority of girls in NEP and Soi Cowboy. Overall though I was not impressed with the talent. There were some cuties but I wasn’t blown away. It reminded me of the girls at Soi 7 Beer Garden. Prices are about the same as the NEP and Soi Cowboy areas. This scene is not for the average Punter but if your Thai is good it’s certainly another option. The food is good anyway and I heard that the Siam hotel has the short and long time facilities you may need.
- Petchaburi Road by Siam Hotel
Around the block from the Siam Hotel and along Petchaburi Rd. itself the streets are lined with freelancers, literally hundreds. My friend and I journeyed out by foot after Siam Cafe and made two trips around the block. The girls were a bit standoff’ish since we were on foot but certainly eager to meet if approached. The normal protocol however is to cruise this area by car or taxi and invite the girls into your ride. My friend and I agreed that we would have gone with over half the girls we saw minus the ten or so Ladyboys mixed in. This is a very high percentage. It’s not your typical street scene like on Sukhumvit, it’s more organized. The same organization as a Nana Disco or Soi 7 Beer Garden. However, it still holds all the dangers of any freelancer scene.
- Petchaburi 45
I’ve heard about this club for a while. A wicked hip-hop club that gets going around 5am. An "After" After Hours Club. Well, the rumors were true. After a visit to Soi 11 and with the sun now up we took a taxi over to Petchaburi 45 to keep the party going. One of my friends had been there before which was good because I probably wouldn’t have found it. The club is not actually on 45 but on Petchaburi Rd. right by 45. You will see some guys standing outside. Be warned that this is a pretty sketchy scene and I wouldn’t recommend coming alone. The place itself is very low rent and the crowd is the druggie/yaabaa crowd riding their high to the end. The club is upstairs and is pretty dingy. However, the music is pumpin hip-hop and there is a very eclectic mix of party goers. I met the owner and he gave me his card. He told me to call if I wanted to find out if the club was happening or if it was open. Apparently the Police can affect the schedule on any given night.

They Say It’s Your Birthday
It was my Birthday this past week, 41 years old, eek. Well, it’s not that bad. After all, I do live in Bangkok. Having lived here a year I must admit that it has been and continues to be an amazing adventure. Age or rather being young is not as relevant here in Bangkok as it is just about everywhere else. In fact, the older you are the more these young Thai women like you. In their eyes an older guy is probably more stable, financially and emotionally. He will also treat them with respect, be more appreciative that they are getting a young and beautiful women, and will not want to "go" all night. This generalization of older men is really not valid but hey it works for me.
As for a party, I really didn’t want one but it did happen. I spent it at the bar working since it was Friday and my partner was in America but that didn’t matter much. It was one of the best Birthday’s I have ever had. The bar was jumping and I was surrounded by some great friends. One of the Mango girls was also celebrating her Birthday so the party was raging. Got smashed, had some great birthday cake, and just smiled a lot. Thanks to all the great folks that bought me a drink or gave a gift. You guys are awesome. I can’t think of a better place to spend your Birthday so give it a try some time. You can get some pretty special and unique presents here.

Beware or Be Taken
I’ve been hearing more and more tales recently about guys being ripped off by the Taxi guys offering to take you to a bar open all night. Guys, DON’T GO WITH THESE EVIL BASTARDS!!! It’s all a big rip-off. They take you to a crappy bar where they get a commission for bringing you. They are bring you there for them not for you. One of the most popular late night rip-off’s is the Stardust Lounge. What a craphole this place is. You walk into this dingy club and there are a few hags lined up for the picking. The drinks are very expensive and the girls will try to charge a small fortune for their services. If you want After Hours fun read the After Hours section of the Weekly and Blog or ask someone you trust. Most everyone else will send you down a nasty path.
I also want to mention a thing or two about Tuk-Tuk’s here in Bangkok. DON’T GO WITH THESE EVIL BASTARDS!!! They are scum of the earth and will rip you blind. I have heard some really nasty rip-off’s that infuriate me. Tuk-Tuk’s are incented to bring you places where they get a commission from the destination. This allows them to charge you 20 baht or so which may seem like a bargain but will take you on a very indirect route to where you wanted to go in the first place. If it’s not a commission-based reroute they will just overcharge you to the max. Take a metered taxi or motorci.
Finally, there are the street pushers of massage parlors or "want to meet ladies" places. DON’T GO WITH THESE EVIL BASTARDS!!! The streets, especially Patpong, are littered with this filth.

Tales From The Street
This week two tales, one is somewhat gross. First off, this Punter told me about how he met this working girl and spent the night doing the deed. The next day things below were itchier than normal. Turns out he had crabs. He made the embarrassing trip to the local hospital and a few days later it was just about cleared up but not totally gone. Here’s where it gets gross. The Punter decided to dole out some payback on the working girl that gave him this present and ruined his party weekend. He found her that night and hired her to take care of him orally without the little latex protector. He’s not sure how she faired the next day and I’m not sure if you can get a mouth full of Crabs but man that is some serious payback.
Next up is a classic in the industry. Punter A met a go-go angel and had a few amazing nights with her. All the feelings about this being the one emerged and he was walking on sunshine. He then made a trip down to Pattaya with some friends and told her he would be back in a few days. When he was down there he missed her and tried to call but she didn’t answer. He visited the go-go upon his return to find out that she just got married. File this under "ya think ya know someone and then…"

Big Mango Bar Update
- One Year Anniversary Party September 1st
- We lost the fourth game of our Pool League and are now 0-4. I am so ashamed
- Kitchen Special Of The Week: Lasagne

-pmmp