Yesterday was US embassy day. I have the largest passport in the world but I am short of pages already so I needed to get down to the Embassy before I head to Tokyo for a wedding. I cruised over early and headed for the US Citizen Services Center. I was amazed at the line of Thais waiting inside the area for visas. Tons of students, Farang guys with their wives to be and so on. It is always a bit weird looking at all the people enduring huge lines and all the shit they must go through to get to my home country - the one I have no interest in at the moment. The problem with going to the Embassy is it kicks off a chain reaction of self-doubt and soul searching…
I got my pages added and will continue to have the largest passport I have seen. I must post a picture of it for comparison and we will see if someone will send in a picture of a bigger one. When I did my last visa run I actually had a guy ask me if I was carrying around a small novel or a mini Bible and I had to show him it was actually my passport. Pages in and I am good to go.
After the Embassy I went to work and my mind was working overtime. This happens every time I go home or go the Embassy. I start thinking of my former life in San Francisco, my high tech job, my old loft, my motorcycle, my folks and the life in the US. I start wondering what the hell I am doing and then I start thinking about my age, my legacy - I basically just fall apart. Call me crazy but I was a child worry wort. This coupled with a few friends in the process of re-establishing themselves in San Fran and I start to question myself. Now what?
Well first I start to think about my options. Then I remind myself of others who have turned their life and their blog into actual careers. Ever heard of Tucker Max? This is probably one of his most famous blog posts:
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/tucker_tries_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue
He is on his second book I think and is making some serious bank but Tucker Max I am not.
I got through my dayshift, hit the gym, got some dinner and went home to sulk. I keep watching Season 1 of Entourage and realized I needed to go make something of my night. I needed to get my game back since sometimes Bkk can make u lazy when it comes to pulling. Sarging. Trying to pull normal girls. Sure I could cruise Cowboy or Nana or someplace knowing I can get some but that’s beside the point since it would not prove anything.
Showered and dressed I headed for Soi 33. I don’t know why but that is what I told the motorcycle taxi. I sat there in the middle of Soi 33 and realized I did not want to be there. So I started walking. Soi 22, soi 20, soi 18 and there I was standing at the mouth of Cowboy. I almost did it - I almost went in but no - I stopped myself. Then it hit me. I needed to go to a club - get a real drink and chill. Just see how a solo night would progress.
I knew the spot and headed over. I won’t say where since this tale is just starting. I paid my entrance fee and got my one drink. Absolut Rasberry with soda and a lime. 2 down the hatch and I was buzzed. The music was pumping, the bartenders were hot and the dancing girls were sexy. I was starting to wonder what the fuck I was doing since now that I was ogling some quality ass I was working myself up even more but inside knowing there was no way I was getting any here.
Then in she walked. Tall, gorgeous, cool clothes, a sexy air of confidence and smart enough to know to sit next to me. Why? Her friend was the bartender and I was sitting in front of the bartender. She got to drinking and at one point we started talking. She is 28, spent a year overseas and has her own business. She said she likes going to places without P4P girls. I agreed. I hate the P4P scene. 
This is what I love about Thailand. U can have your cake and eat it too.
We had more drinks. We kept chatting. She said guys are pigs and they always want to get in her pants. I told her that was horrible. Then I added - “No worries. You are wearing a skirt tonight so I won’t bother trying to get into your pants.” She laughed.
We closed the place down and headed for her car. She has an old but cool car. We sat on the hood of it and chatted. Mostly to sober her up cause she was going to drive home. Then she said we should go to an after hours club and party some more. Cool.
She drove us to Spicy. By the time we parked and walked over to the place the police had closed it. Way early. So we went back to the car. She was ready to go somewhere else but I was hearing everything was closed down. Then we started making out. All signs pointed to go. I was loving it. Her in the driver’s seat. The skirt. The legs. I was back. I was in the Game and scoring. All self-doubt gone. The future is mine. Then she stopped me.
“I can’t sleep with you on the first night I met you.” She broke the silence.
“Okay. No problem. Kissing is good.” I lied but kept my hand on her legs.
“Stop. You are like all the guys. You just want to sleep with me.”
“No. I am different.” I begged.
She ended it with that. She drove me home though. In silence. We kissed one last time and she left. Smiled and waved. I walked into my pad and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watched Entourage. I was on top of the world.
Then it hit me. I only knew her name. I never got a phone number.
I suck. Self-loathing returned. Off to bed.
Welcome back to the reality that most of us poor sods are forced to deal with.
View all comments by Wombat
Poor you. You live in a city that is populated by gorgeous women - both in and out of the P4P scene. You get to kiss a beauty you just met. And in the end, you forget to get a number. Oh well, where you live there are thousands just like her. Sulk no more, my friend.
I live in the Midwest US - I would kill just to see a hot Thai woman. I’m surrounded by boring, heavy, short-haired, crabby, bossy women - even if I had the desire to boink em, I couldn’t. They think they are too good to give it up. I’m thinking “Puhleeze - you should be gratified that I’m even thinking of doinking you -only because you’re the best looking whale that washed up onto this beach”.
Although I believe a little deep thinking is good for one’s soul, I do believe you’re happy with your decision. Sure, it’s nice to spend time with your good friends, but in the end, you’re doing what you want to do in a place you want to live. Good for you - most people will never get the chance to really go after their dreams.
Keep up the good work with the bar and website.
View all comments by calvin
Calvin. Amen. Thanks for reading.
View all comments by smitty
“self doubt and soul searching…”
Very concisely put. I remember reading Stickman a few years ago and he said that a lot of Ferang hit the wall at about 3 years. Bangkok hits it’s use-by date and its time for a change.
I am living in BKK and working as a self-employed technical writer. My biggest client is based near Washington DC, and he has asked me to consider moving back to the US, expanding my role and working for him full time. There are enough reasons to do it that I’m actually thinking about it.
We agreed to do a 30-day trial in September. If it doesn’t work out for me, I can just fly back to Bangkok and keep doing what I do now. I’m thinking that 30 days away from Soi Cowboy will be exactly what I need to remind me why I came to Bangkok in the first place.
I spent three weeks in the US at Christmas visiting my sister and almost slashed my wrists at the boredom.
Of course, the problem is actually feeling that your building any kind of a future here. Maybe living in Bangkok is just marking time until you realize that you need to really DO SOMETHING.
I ran into a friend on the Skytrain on Friday. He is a Ferang with a Thai wife. He’s been here for 15+ years, speaks fluent Thai, and has always seemed stable, happy and successful. I mentioned my possible move back to the US and he stunned me by saying that he is considering a move back home; he said he feels like he’s going no-where at the moment.
Last night I started my night shooting pool in Soi Cowboy, moved on the Big Mango, and dropped in on Rainbow 1 and Pretty Lady before moving on to Patpong. I got very drunk visiting Electric Blue and Safari, then went to Star of Light and got a two-girl blowjob. Around midnight I went back to Safari, picked out a beautiful girl, bar-fined her , and brought her home and we did the shower and sex thing. My biggest problem all night was deciding WHICH girl to bring home… I saw about a dozen that each looked like the most appealing girl in the world. Every time I go out here, the same thought resounds, “So many girls, so little money”.
I moved to Bangkok because I love nights like that, and the opportunity do it 4 or 5 nights a week was appealing.
Most days, its enough to keep me satisfied. But, as you say, some days are filled with self doubt and soul searching.
View all comments by werewolf
867-5309. for a good time call.
Brother, I have those same problems here in the states, not the makeout with a hot thai girl on the hood of a car in front of a shut down after hours joint.
well, unless by makeout with a hot thai girl on the hood of a car in front of a shut down after hours joint you really mean making out with my hot wife against the alley near a club in the city while Latin music is thumping and you are seeing your 43rd birthday come to a close in a drunken haze of absolute tonics, perfume and the promise of “getting your candle blown out”.
The problem I still have is what am i going to be when i grow up? And what kind of legend am I going to leave for my friends and family to think about?
Look me up if you come back stateside. I am the one with the peter pan glaze in my eyes.
View all comments by groovemonkey
Though I have nothing against that P4P scene on moral grounds, and have played many times, I am pretty strongly opposed to it for guys living in Bangkok.
I think it’s pretty damn self destructive over time- fun, hell yes. healthy.. no. Every single one of the ’successful’ expats that i have met (and no I certainly have not met all expats) have avoided the scene, whereas the kinda shady washed up alky ones were connected to it.
Honestly, it doesn’t make too much sense when a half attractive guy can get laid ‘legit’ just as easily as going to a bar and buying a girl. That being said, I won’t begrudge anyone’s lifestyle– this is Bangkok for christ’s sake.
Also, there is no need to lie to a girl like that…. Thai chicks dig it when you say “yeah, I’m a playboy, I get around… now do you wanna party or are you wasting my time?” (Obviously in a few more words)…. This approach backfires only about 10% of the time, but the upshot is that you have no crazies calling your cell or knocking on your door.
Getting laid in Bangkok is like shooting fish in a barrel….
View all comments by Paul
Ditto Calvin. Man, I can’t wait to get out of here (the U.S.). As someone once said, “It’s changing and not for the better.”
Cheers,
The AB
View all comments by The Asian Badger
Think of the bright side.
At least, you didn’t pay the bar fine and not get laid.
View all comments by Jack Dawson
Where to start.
Groovemoneky: Get your ass over here for a proper birthday. love and cuddles. 43. U r just getting started.
WW: Great points. I think the ultimate would be the ability to somewhere else and work and come here and work on some rotating basis. That would be cool. I also remember whilst HK how fun it was coming here once a month or every other month, It made everything fresh and fun. Sometimes I think the issue is just going out too much can make things feel old. Back in HK and the states I went out maybe once or twice a week tops. Here there is a tendency to go out at any possible chance thus overindulging. I find if I go out less I enjoy it more. I am also trying to switch up the venues and strive for some other goals. The partying will be there any night I want it.
Paul: Well said but at the same time I don’t see the reason to have to P4P on the shelf just cause I live here. Sorry - no girl I pick up on RCA will ever do what the Tulip girls can do. Never. I am lazy. Some days when I need to get a lot done I would rather start my day with a BJ at Lolitas versus jerking off. I am into mixing it up. That is what is great about BKK. Sure - all addictions can be unhealthy but I don’t think people are nuts for exploring P4P and not P4P just because they live in BKK.
AB: There are still reasons to love the US. I am happy for the passport I hold and the technological employment options that are first rate in the US. I like the chicks too but I had a hard time getting laid in SF on a regular basis. However politically the US is a mess. Of course Thailand is pretty f’ed up as well but maybe it is better that way.
JD: I know u will always get me on that one.
View all comments by smitty
“like the chicks” ?
View all comments by Jack Dawson
hmm. how many kilos do your Thai girls weigh?
View all comments by Jack Dawson
Meaning. I am an equal opportunity player. I will take down the white women when given the chance.
View all comments by smitty
“..whereas the kinda shady washed up alky ones were connected to it.
Honestly, it doesn’t make too much sense when a half attractive guy can get laid ‘legit’ just as easily as going to a bar and buying a girl.”
I honestly don’t think of myself as a washed up alky, but maybe I am and haven’t realized it, or maybe I just haven’t given Bangkok as much effort as I should have.
At the same time, I am also not half-attractive… I’m sort of the Homer Simpson of South East Asia, so perhaps that’s the reason I have to resort to buying girls in bars.
At any rate, today is not a day for confusion or self doubt. The sun is shining and I have an inbox full of work to be cleared.
Best Regards,
Bomer
View all comments by werewolf
D’oh!
Should be “Homer” not “Bomer”
See what I mean?!
View all comments by werewolf
I don’t think you can generalize when it comes to living in Thailand. Everybody is different. Age, looks, family, the environment you were brought up in, etc. P4P versun non-P4P or a mix of the two, it depends. Whatever makes you happy. The availability of women and sex services here makes it easy to strike the right balance for where you are at in your life as Smitty is doing. IMHO, that is the beauty of living here. So many great options when it comes to sex. It’s quite liberating.
Of course, the major dilemma most face after visiting here or living here is “Okay, sex life great but how do I make a living or pursue a meaningful life especially when the sex/party life is consuming a good deal of my time?”
Great problem to have but not an easy one to solve. I came here later in life (which is probably a better way to go) after 20 years in the grind and heading straight for a married with children hellish existence. That will help me avoid complacency for a while. Everytime I wake up next to a young Thai beauty or three I thank my lucky stars and Smitty for getting me out here.
View all comments by pmmp
WW: Yes. Maybe I had gotten up 2 early but I was trying to sort that one out. Makes sense now.
Where did bruce go?
View all comments by smitty
Well I made it into the Big Mango but was just just Thai staff so no chance for tales from the street. Although the staff where very cool especially Mam who took care of my party perfectly. Was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise filthy city.
Crash and Burn??? I really feel for you guys who stay here all year round. I live in Thailand for 4 months and then St. Barths for 4 months (down to 3 & 3 now). And every time I come here I go out until I get ill. Seriously been here 3 months and stayed in about 8 nights. So normally the last month I chill and then go back to work for a holiday. I don’t know if I would survive here all year round. It’s good to have a break recharge get my bearings and realise why I like it here.
I’m thinking of sending something in soon as I feel I have something worth reading (guess I’ll know by the comments).
Checked out After Club Patpong, reminded me of England in the early nineties. Very bad crowd and very hot. OA club was nice only about 20 girls and 15 blokes but 5 of the girls where stunners. I’m getting annoyed with the random closing times of clubs but Windsor on Soi 20 has been closing constantly at about 5 am. I dont know if you guys have checked it out but it’s big and plays decent Hip Hop. I don’t know about pulling there, probably a high chance. But if your driving round in a taxi to closed club after closed club and already have a taxi full of girls go there it rocks. Was the only place open till 6am every night of Song Kram (apart from Lucky), That was of course before I sealed the airlock to my appartment.
Have Fun All.
View all comments by Young Royal
Good info YR. Been to Windsor a few times. Problem is I hate Hip Hop but I know the ladies like it. I would not call it a sure thing for pulling. Nothing like the freelancer after hours clubs but yes consistently open - so that is cool. Problem is almost every girl there is with some group of Thai guys and they don’t like the white guys in their cruising for girls. The place is fun but to me it is like going to RCA rather than going to Spicy.
I have alway said one of the best deals is being able to live in BKK and somewhere else. Good for the balance. For me now I only go out for a good reason and then it is a good time and I don’t feel like I am overdoing it.
View all comments by smitty
I will have to pace myself next time. Talking of the guys not liking us moving in. I was in Santika with part-time girlfriend a friend of mine and four of hers. My friend decided to chat to a girl next to him and the guys asked him to stop talking to her. He was just making pleasent chat and not trying anything. He told the girls that he wasn’t allowed to talk to them and they got pissed with the Thai guy. Next clip the management were asking my friend to leave. Well they were down the 5 hottest girls in the place for nothing.
View all comments by Young Royal
That is the Thai mentality - custom or shall we say their inherit xenophobia far outweighs customer service or good business. Similar incident happened to my crew one night at Blur.
View all comments by smitty
Friends back home say “Wow dude, you’re living the dream.” After over a full year here, I now always reply with some sort of frazzled, half-assed attempt to explain to them that indeed, certain aspects of my personal life are at all time highs here in BKK, but the lack of meaning and purpose is slowly driving me insane.
However, without the proper frame of reference, which by nature is inked only by enduring similar yet not necessarily identical experiences, my friends are usually at a loss for words.
Thinking about going back? Sure. But what to do? The same as before? I would rather not. Doing permanent damage by exposure to P4P? Just like Magic Marker, the shit is basically indelible.
The problem that I see is (and I know this has been hashed out somewhere, some blog, before) there are just so many farang freaks here in BKK that the rest of us normal (me biased? can you blame me?) foreigners have resorted to complete incredulity and reserved hospitality when meeting new people. It’s weird out here.
But Christ almighty, you should’ve seen the looker that my buddy pulled off the internet the other night. Most of my friends back in the midwest and southwest would cut off their right nut for a romp in the hay with her. Being part of that makes the thought of moving back home absolutely piss-your-pants terrifying. Lord help me, I’m in a quagmire of epic proportions.
View all comments by The Heckler
It is tough. Hence all the commenting on this thread.
I know for myself if I was not working on building up a business with some cool biz partners, working on my writing, studying Thai when I can and hitting the gym I would probably throw in the towel.
So the fact that I can - plus party when needed and see the ladies - I think I am loving it here but one must have some goals or strive for a balance otherwise Thailand could mess u up.
BTW - What site is your buddy using?
keep it real…
View all comments by smitty
When I was last there (Late Feb, early March) I had the opportunity to meet with about half a dozen people that work in the industry I am in. It is a pretty small niche, so knowledge is defiantly worth something.
One thing that struck me as odd was how how stress-less and content they were as a group - save one.
Out of the six (agreed small sample size):
- 1 was married to a thai girl (not a bar girl as far as I know) and was very happy. For work doing the odd consulting job here and there.
- 2 were married to former bar girls and seemed very happy and content - each also doing a bit of consulting here and there.
- 1 was single and enjoying the p4p scene and doing a bit of work here and there
- 1 was single but didn’t seem to go out much and working his ass off
- 1 was keeping himself locked up in a room seeming wanting to end it all - I shall note that this guy had several HUGE issues not relating to Thailand, but Thailand may have amplified some of it
While one of the mangobar girls did mess with my mind, and even taking that out of the equation, I envy anyone who lives there, and may join you all someday soon.
View all comments by Rob
Not sure how you’d survive the culture shock of returning to western women’s attitudes after such a long stay in Thailand. It’s just hell after 3-4 weeks over-there.
View all comments by Woody
Rob : Being content is cool but sometimes what I see is total lack of motivation or any goals at all. However I think one can be more content here and still move forward. One simple thing is whether u are in the P4P scene or not - pretty easy to get laid or have a relationship here. U don’t have to but can waste time chasing tail if u want. But u dont have to spend a lot of time begging to get laid. U also can just by on less here. U don’t need a car, u don’t need a huge place and it is cheap to have your pad cleaned and your clothes washed. Eating on the street is cheap and good. What does this all mean? U have more time to do the things u want and waste less time on the needless things - plus u also don’t spend money on things that u don’t need. Say a car or pad. So this means I need to make less money here to have a better lifestyle. All depends on the women and partying though.
Having lived overseas in a few different cities - every place is what u make of it. What can happen in Thailand, almost any Asian city, is the urge to party every night and look for girls. I don’t think it is sustainable unless u are basically retired or have a lot of coin. U could not do this in America for the most part. So one must strike some balance and keep moving forward while having fun along the way. What Thailand offers is some amazing people, great party scene and the guarantee that anytime u might get some time off - u are bound to easily find a good time somewhere.
Woody: Who is going back?
View all comments by smitty
Very interesting thread
As a non-resident of Thailand but a frequent visitor from the UK I have often considered/wondered what it would be like to reside full-time in BKK.Everyone I know who has experienced the country consider it to be a ‘dream scenario’
In reading the comments on peoples desire to return to thier homeland because of a lack of direction,I guess is natural.
However I would like to underline the point raised ‘it’s changing but not for the better’.In the UK, government regulation in everything,dismantling of UK culture,the ban on having an opinion which differs from the ’state’,crippling tax (which is getting worse)all contribute to an existance which has become totally demoralising.That’s without bringing the nightmare point of relationships with demanding,ugly,overweight western women.
Therefore guys,my point is that even if you lack a bit of direction the upsides of returning to the ‘west’ are not great and getting worse.
Start considering your glass to be half full,rather than half empty.I can assure you it could be alot worse.
Most of my contacts who are enjoying thier life in Thailand seem to be the one’s who live in one of the coastal resorts and go into BKK at weekends for thier R and R which ,I guess, provides them with a balance.I get the impression on the thread that most contributers live full-time in BKK.
View all comments by ChelseaBlue
@ Smitty — The site my buddy uses is well known amongst BKK residents, and it’s not ThailandFriends. I ran into my buddy again last night at Twilo…with a new girl, fresh from the site. น้ำ้้ลายไหล Hot diggity damn! I’ll leave a note for you at the Duke next time I’m in for a burger and a pint.
About the lack of direction and goals, it’s something I’ve been ruminating on ever since I ‘temporarily’ got an apartment here. But as you pointed out, the fact that I don’t have a $300 car payment, a $1,300 mortgage payment, a $200 health insurance payment, etc., really makes the coin roll further so to speak.
Some days are good, some days are bad, some are downright horrible, but when the shit comes together for a really good day/night, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
View all comments by The Heckler
when she said she couldn’t sleep with you on the first date, you could have acted surprised. you could have accused her of having hung out with you just to try to seduce you. basically she was admitting she had sex on her mind. you could have teased her for that. you may not agree with this strategy but i urge you to try taking the following mindset next time as an experiment: you are not looking for sex! rather, you are shocked because all the women you meet just want to have sex with you. role reversal. now, the underlying truth is of course you want sex. and this girl i’m willing to bet wanted sex. but you have to play these roles to get over the cultural/societal hurdles. you have to pretend you’re shocked by it all. the pretending comes through your words. but your eyes and body language can be sayng something entirely different– sexual tension. women love this ambguiguity. anyway, nice going. basically you had a hottie who wanted to sleep with you but you just didn’t do enough work to get her feeling comfortable enough to do it. you can say things like “this is bad. you shouldn’t be tempting me like this. behave.” then wait. tension builds. you’re a litter closer. then reinitiate. then wait. repeat. you have to go in steps. women will give you the ‘heisman’ but then if you wait 15min, often they will reinitiate the action because they are still hot and bothered. it’s just they have to keep ratcheting down from their moral high position. time and playing it cool are really all it takes. P4P has it’s place because you pay to eliminate the time element. she’s ready to go from the start.
View all comments by anon
anon - great points but I will be honest. by the time it came around to me really playing the game I was too drunk to function. Oh well.
Still a good time all in all…
Smart move would have been to call it a night and get her phone number for next time!
View all comments by smitty